Windy Windy

I love having four season in Colorado. Really, I do. I look forward to each one of them - even though fall can be short sometimes. I even look forward to summer here (this coming from the girl who really doesn't like hot weather). In California, I couldn't wait for summer to end. Around July it just got too hot during the day for me. Sadly, I still had August, September, and most of October to get through before the hot days subsided (although the nights were much cooler in October, making it far more bearable!). I was so excited when fall arrived, heralding the fun holiday season, and bringing cooler days and nights. Winter was my favorite season. I loved the overcast days, the fog, the rain, and the lush green trees and bushes. Then I moved to Colorado. It's different here. Fall is lovely, but winter is cold, brown and dry. It's no longer my favorite season. The first time I hit the wall in winter it surprised me. I woke up one morning and just wanted winter to be over. I was done with cold and brown, snow, wind, boots, jackets.... you name it, I was done with it. Since then, it's happened each and every year in mid-February.

Last week I hit the wall. I love the snow, and we've had a very snowy February in these parts. A couple of weeks of 25-35 degree highs did nothing to melt it, so we lived in a lovely white place. And then I was done. All of a sudden, one day, just done. Done with the sun glare of the snow. Done with heavy jackets and boots. Done with mittens. Just done. And just when I decided I was done, the winds picked up. I can handle the cold, but I hate the wind. It gets very windy here, but the last few days have been awful. Our fence is still standing, but the toy box has blown over and scattered toys everywhere. I'm not even sure if it's still intact. I guess I should go check, but what the use? It'll just get blown over again.

If you'd like some perspective on how crazy the winds have been, view these videos:

http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/251422/222/Students-blown-down-by-wind-talk-about-experience

http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/251405/222/Farmer-watched-as-part-of-barn-flew-over-his-head

http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/251456/222/Wind-gust-throws-tiny-dog-into-tree

Basketball!

This is what my kids do when they can't play outside (you know, when the 85 MPH winds outside threaten to blow them away). They're getting pretty good at it, too.


Did you notice the audience in the bleachers? They had to be put away later on.

Alien School

This ad was on the laptop when I shut down the internet.


It's appalling to think that I'm losing $21,000 by not going back to school. Since I currently bring home a zero dollar income in my stay-at-home mom career, $21k would be nice. I'm a little worried that I'd have to go to alien school, though. My kids would be thrilled. I'd have so much to talk about on career day at their school!

No Composting Today

I thought about taking some icky veggies out to the composter this afternoon. Even though much has melted, I changed my mind rather quickly.

Icicle!

Caitlin and the killer icicle that was almost as big as her.

Lemon Bars

For the records, I had deemed Lemon Bars no longer worth it. They are yummy and fairly easy to make, but the muscle power it takes to pry them loose from the pan is going to put my in the loony bin one of these days. I keep thinking "the next time it'll be easier", but yet it never is! Feel free to remind me that I said this should you ever hear me say that I'm going to make Lemon Bars again.

On Being an Older Parent

A friend posted this on Facebook the other day:

"Having kids 10 years before everyone else my age has been a challenge. I missed out on a lot of things. I spent my twenties changing diapers and skipping over the whole college/travel/binge drinking phase other people experience."

This was not her whole post. The rest of it basically said that having kids young has finally paid off and now she's considered a cool mom to her 6th grade daughter and her friends. But I only focused on the first part. It amused me and also hit a nerve. Probably because I am not a young parent.

I had to laugh at her post. Really - you're a young mom here? I hadn't noticed. I've had absolutely no problem meeting people like her since moving from the bay area (where she would have been an anomaly). Moms who had children earlier on. In fact, her stats are the most common, at least in my world. My friend is 34 with a 6th and 3rd grader. I'm guessing that she had her first child right around 22, which is not really all that young in this area. Probably not in most of middle America, either (and this state is one step away from there!). She started a few years earlier than my other acquaintances here, but only a few. One of the issues I've had since moving here is that most women I know with children similar in age to my children are 7-10 years younger than I am. People here that are my age have teenagers. I don't relate to the younger parents, although our kids are the same age, and I have completely different schedules to adhere to than the people who are my age. It has been a challenge, to say the least, to find community here that I can relate to. I seem to focus on age, which is not the only factor. However, I've found it to be one of the biggest indicators of compatibility in the last 4 1/2 years. It's been rough.

When I got married, at 29, I felt too old and way too young all at the same time. Having my first child at 33, just a few months before my next birthday, was not unusual at all in Silicon Valley. I was right in the middle - not the oldest, not the youngest. I had a wide range of friends and acquaintances of all ages. I *never* felt like an older parent. We all related. Fast forward 3 1/2 years and a decision to move to another state, and all of sudden I was an older parent. I joined a MOPS group after moving to Colorado in 2007 and was shocked to find out how old I really was! I had no idea! I didn't get married in or right out of college and start trying to have kids right away! Oops - major fail! The age at which I did get married is practically old age in these parts. In all honestly, I have nothing against getting married or having children at a young age. It just didn't happen for me. I didn't want kids before I was 30 anyway (although I may have been persuaded to change my mind if I'd gotten married younger). The thought that's been bouncing around in my head since we moved here is "I'm not the only one." Other people must have had my same experiences, and yet they're elusive. As I was thinking about why it worked for me, I came up with this list:

The benefits of being an older parent:

1. College

I'm so glad I went. They weren't fun years. In fact, they were some of the most miserable years of my life. I was sick for years, and worked, and went to school. I didn't have a lot of fun in college, or do all the fun things that I hear others talk about when they were in college. However, I knew that in the long run it would pay off. The business world views you differently when you have a college degree. Trust me. All those years working in HR only reinforced that point.

2. Career

When I was a child I use to wonder what would happen to our family if my dad couldn't work. My mom had a plan B, but I still wondered. One of my goals, after college, was to establish a career. A plan. I didn't know if I would ever have anyone to support me, so I needed to get moving. I did get married, 7 years after graduating from college, and now I'm a stay-at-home-mom without a paying job. My HR career supported me when I worked for a living, and supported us during my husband's bought of unemployment. Knowing that I can go back to work should something happen to my husband, is a huge relief to me. Even if it's not in the same career path, I am familiar with the business world. I know how to handle myself and what to do. I know I can support my family if I need to.

3. Financial Stability

It's a lot easier to have financial stability when you've done the college/career thing prior to having children. Not always, but in general. Children require a lot of time, and they require money. I had more of both after establishing a career when I was younger. I'm also glad we've set up college funds for our children. If we'd had children at a younger age, I don't know that we could have afforded that. If we could have, it would have been less than what we do now.

4. Travel

I love to travel. I love to have my world view widened. I love to experience other cultures and see how others live. I save my money for vacations. I traveled a lot before getting married, and we traveled before we had kids. There's a whole wide world out there that I have yet to see. I hope I can narrow that gap in the future, not only for myself, but for my children as well. Not everyone feels the way I do, which is fine. But this is my thing.

5. Knowing who I am

I have a clearly defined sense of my own identity, and that started in my late 20's. Before that, I was not nearly as confident in who I was. I didn't really have an identity outside of my family, what I studied in college, or my job. I didn't understand myself as well - my likes and dislikes - what makes me tick. I felt a huge need to tell everyone my opinion, as if it truly mattered. Personal boundaries were not well established until I was in my early 30's, which resulted in me letting a lot of people walk all over me (and walk they did!). Now I'm not afraid to say no. I say it a lot. And most of the time it doesn't bother me. I still have a lot to learn, but I'm glad I had that time earlier on in my life to establish my own personal ground rules and beliefs, and to live by them. My understanding of the world, of cultures, of community - those are so much more solid now than they were in my younger days.

So, here I am touting the benefits of being an older parent (which I'm loosely defining as having a child in your early 30's). There are pros and cons. I'm sure I could come up with more if I sat around and thought about. Those have just been the ones that have been bouncing around in my head. I can think of a lot of pros about being a younger parent, too. Pregnancy is definitely for the young! And just think of all that energy the parents still have! You are closer in age to your children. I think of all the freedoms I missed after having kids, such as free time, the ability to go and do as I please, meeting up with friends. I do think that had I started younger, I wouldn't have missed these freedoms to the same extent because I wouldn't have had them as long. I had to allow myself to mourn my former life and move on with my new life. And younger parents get to be younger empty-nesters. How fun to have energy when your kids leave home!

As for my friend - I'm glad she found her man and established her family earlier in her life. Nothing wrong with that! They seem very happy. As for me, I convulse shudder to think of what would have happened if I'd married some of the guys I dated earlier in my life. Ugh! I would have been happy to marry younger than I did, but it wasn't Gods perfect timing. He didn't send Brian along until I was in my late twenties. And our family is fine. I'm okay with my age and the ages of my children. Now if I could just find a few others around here in the this "young parent" state.... well, you've heard my rants before.

Lego Karma

Today, on the way home from school, Big J, our neighbor, was complaining about one of the new girls on our street. He told me all about how she'd clogged the toilet at their house, then turned on the shower, and messed up his bed. He told me how his mom doesn't like her to go upstairs when she's over. This intrigued me since my kids play upstairs at his house when they're over (which isn't all that often any more). When I asked why his mom doesn't like her to go upstairs, he told me she broke his Legos. He and his mom had worked really hard on this Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull Lego set he'd gotten, and she had messed it up. Destroyed it.

Oh really?

Just like you destroyed many Lego-scapes at our house? Did this new girl drop "bombs" on them and shatter the structures to bits? Were you unable to rebuild your set because you have no idea where all the parts went? Did you ban her from your room the way I banned you from Brandon's room for a while? Did it upset you?

Is it bad that internally I'm just a little gleeful? A little immature? I should really be more adult about this, but sometimes what goes around comes around.

Half Over

Wow - the "year" is half over. The school year, I mean. It also means that my last year of MOPS is half over. MOPS stands for "Mothers of Preschoolers". You can be part of a MOPS group from pregnancy/birth of your child through their kindergarten year. Caitlin's in kindergarten, so this spring is my last year. I'm glad. There isn't really another word to describe it. I have a calmness about it ending. I'm not torn. I'm not sad. I'm not even gleeful. I'm just glad.

There was a time in my life when meeting with other moms to discuss the issues of having small children was essential to me, but that time has passed. My children are no longer infants or toddlers. While the majority of my time is still spent with them and caring for them, I have some time to accomplish other things. My children don't "need" me in the same clingy, all-or-nothing, dependent way that children do when they are younger. They clothe themselves, feed themselves, buckle themselves in to their own seats in the car. They read, write, play with other kids. I'm still a very necessary component of their lives, but now I can move about the house unencumbered to take care of important things like making dinner, or paying the bills. I don't have to monitor their every move outside, or at the playground or pool.

Besides dealing with things like pre-set schedules for school and activities, homework, and weekly and daily routines, the emotions of my now older children have come more into focus. Instead of "he stole my toy", I deal with "why didn't my friend invite me to her birthday party?" Or "why won't my friend play with me?" The issues are harder, more intense, and leave a lasting imprint on their hearts. Especially if I deal with them incorrectly. Caitlin was recently devastated to find out that she hadn't been invited to a friend's party. I'm using the term "friend" loosely here, but to Caitlin, most of her "friends" are equal. Of course, there are people she's not inviting to her birthday party, but explaining those friendship differences in terms she can understand is hard. She was sad, hurt, and left wondering why this happened. In my ideal world, life would be fair for my kids, but the reality is different. There isn't really a place to discuss this in the MOPS meeting. I just have to leave it for a different time.

This year is my transition year. I'm still very busy with Caitlin at home. This half day kindergarten thing makes this year seem busy and rushed, and I'm a stay-at-home mom! I don't really know what the next stage involves. Hopefully friends with kids at a similar age (and moms at a similar age!). Community is a wonderful thing. I don't know what the next year holds for me, but I know it'll be different than this year.

Ten on Tuesday

Title taken from my friend Traci. Here goes:

1) School starts tomorrow! Yay! Can you tell I'm excited? Brandon's got a regular day, and Caitlin has Kindy Crafts at 9:00. Woo hoo! 5 1/2 hours to myself! I'm not excited about getting up at 6:15, though.

2) We are halfway through the school year! Double yay!

3) Christmas has been taken down and packed up. I can see our bay window again, and our surface areas have been cleaned of 2 gingerbread houses and a lot of decorations! I felt a little guilty tossing out baby Jesus' manger bed, but the unfired clay broke down and crumbled. One of these days I'll get a real nativity set. But, if not, there's always next years crafts ....

4) I'm halfway done with my MOPS newsletter for January. Our next meeting is Monday. I always feel like it's hanging over my head. A little disciple is a good thing.

5) Tomorrow is my birthday! I love my birthday! And, as a present, the kids are going back to school (see #1).

6) The last two weeks have been all about family time. It's been great! But we must heed to call of the routine. And a little time away from each other.

7) Resolution for 2012 - eat healthier. More veggies, here we come!

8) Why does Caitlin always have more laundry than Brandon? Is it because she tries on several outfits each morning? Or because she insists on a different pair of PJ's each night?

9) I love my new Kindle Fire that Brian got me for Christmas. However, I'm coming to the conclusion that Caitlin and I, mostly "I", are playing too much Bejeweled Blitz. I dreamt about matching shapes up in pairs of 3 or more. Now that I'm home, I need to make a resolution to read the books I have on it, not just play games.

10) Happy New Year! May this years hopes and dreams become reality.

Winterfest!

On December 13th Caitlin's gymnastics studio had its annual Winterfest. Winterfest is when all the kids perform their routines that they've been working so very hard on for the last few months. Caitlin's is below. She was so proud of herself for working hard and getting her routine right! She was so proud that Daddy worked from home that day so he could go! I was so proud of her for tucking her chin under before doing her tumbling! It was a good day, enjoyed by all!

Glasses!

Somebody got glasses!!!

Doesn't she look thrilled?

Tomorrow we're getting a haircut!

What It's Like

Yesterday I spend a lot of time on the couch. A lot of time holding my boy. A lot of time wiping away tears and talking in a soothing voice. Why? Because he's a sensitive child.

I'm sure there's some sort of official diagnosis of a highly sensitive child and I'm sure that Brandon wouldn't fit in. Any sort of clinical terminology would included being sensitive to clothing, textures, or temperature. Or having anxiety or fits. Brandon isn't like that at all. He's an introvert, but he loves to socialize as long as it's on his terms. Maybe highly emotional, at least about himself, is a better explanation. He's got the highly emotional brain, and it lacks its own "calm down" mechanism.

We usually play at the school for half an hour or so after it gets out. It's cold here right now, but the school is right in the sun. It's fun for the kids, and gets out a lot of energy. With these cold days getting darker earlier, getting out the extra is a necessity! At some point after school yesterday there was an altercation at the tether ball pole between Brandon and J, on of our neighbors. Neither one of them fully understands the rules of the game, and both were playing their own version, causing distress and misunderstandings. After we got home we noticed that part of the snow fort in our front yard had fallen down. The boys had worked hard on this all weekend. Whether it was knocked down or melted I don't know. The sun was intense yesterday, so I'm guessing it just melted on its own. But it didn't matter to Brandon, the cascade of tears started. It never got better, either. Caitlin went over to our next door neighbor's house for a while, and Brandon couldn't get a grip.

The rest of the afternoon and early evening were like this. There were tears over homework, tears over the fort, tears over tether ball, tears over not wanting to do the extra credit project (which we're not doing), and tears over his AWANA memorization homework. He opened up about school work and home work, and there were tears over the fact that he feels like he can't keep up. There were tears over friends. When J came over (at 5:10!) to play, there were tears that he was here and tears that he left. Brandon wasn't kind when J came over, so I'm not surprised he left! Every time I turned around yesterday something was wrong.

There are so many tears! Over every little thing! I'm glad Brandon opens up to me and will tell me what's wrong. But I hate the fact that he has to get all worked up over it all. We could never let him "cry it out" as a baby because he'd get himself so worked up. It's no different now. Once the cascade starts, it's up to me or Brian to calm him down. To quell the rising storm. And nothing we say is ever right. When Brandon was little, around 1, I realized I couldn't go to the park every day. Or have a friend over. We needed to be alone several days out of the week. I tried very hard not to schedule something more than every other day, with a maximum schedule of 2 days on, 1 day off (at home). He is still that same child and I operate in a similar way, but now he has to go to school every day. And he has homework. Toss AWANA and/or after school sports in there, and the mix become volatile sometimes.

Brandon's emotional meltdowns don't happen every day. Sometimes they don't happen for weeks! We see emotions almost daily, but the last week and half has been hard. As the parent, I can usually see the signs. I see his tired face after school. I can hear the emotional distress in his voice. I hear the crying when something has gone wrong. If I don't get to him soon enough, the build up begins to tear him down. And it doesn't stop. Once he gets over emotional, anything and everything can set him off. He needs time alone, but doesn't really know how to ask for it. When I suggest it, he thinks I'm punishing him. Occasionally I find him up in his room reading, and that's just find with me. He craves routine, and when routines change he gets emotional. People and outside activities drain him, but he can't put words to those feelings. I tell him he doesn't have to go out and play, and I mean it. I'm lucky that this usually only happens at home, and I'm lucky it's not every day. But it's exhausting.

I limit his after-school activities to AWANA on Wednesday nights and usually one after school sport each semester so as not to overwhelm him. The end of the day and the end of week are both tiring for him. His teachers have talked about how smart and helpful he is in class, and that he's a model student. Then he cries over his homework. He's in the TAG (talented and gifted) program at school, but I recently pulled him out of the writing part of it because the TAG advisor thought it was a bit emotionally exhausting for him. His emotional state can be such a roller coaster sometimes! Brandon is always super helpful when we're around younger children and loves babies. He has this high-pitched maternal voice that he uses when talking with children under 2. It's very cute! He loves cats, but is skeptical about dogs. He fell in love with my sister's dogs during their visit over Thanksgiving, which surprised even him! He cried for days after the dogs left. The world wears him out. He loves being alone, or with just his family. We're lucky our child still finds us fun!

It's an emotional roller coaster. The ups and downs. Happy and sad. Joy and tears. Turning down activities and groups. Getting up earlier or leaving early so as not to rush him. Dealing with the funny looks because we aren't going to join you. Explaining to him what's going one, or when and why our routine is changing to avoid the storm that can arise when he isn't prepared. Always trying to be one step ahead with food, a plan B, something to say to calm the upcoming melt down. I understand this, but more than that, I'm the one who deals with most of his emotional outbursts. They're habitual and consistent, but not daily. I'm looking forward to our upcoming two week break, and the fact that we're not traveling for Christmas. I love him dearly, but I need a break, too. This is what it's like.

**One a lighter note, he was thrilled later on in the evening that he's successfully said his AWANA verse. It was long, and he'd gotten all worked up about not being able to memorize it. He was pretty happy on the way home, and bed time was easy.

Snow Dayz!

It's been cold here, with lows just below zero, and highs ranging from 10 to 35. Doesn't seem to matter, though, as the kids bundle up and head out to play! It snowed twice last week, and the cold temps have kept that snow around for a while. I hear it's suppose to get up to 40 on Saturday! Woo hoo! It might melt the snow, but I'm okay with that. I love having a real winter!

Brandon and his beloved snow fort. All the neighborhood kids helped build it.

Thankful for a Garage

Woke up to 4 or 5 inches of snow this morning. I knew it was coming, but yet it seems strange. Probably because it was 60 degrees yesterday! Our neighbor takes her son and Brandon to school in the mornings, and we got down there just as they had started clearing the snow of their cars. It's days like this that make me glad we park in the garage. I'm glad that Brian and I have managed to pare down our things, and install shelves and hooks in the garage, all in order to park two cars there. It's a tight squeeze, and we still have way too much stuff, but both cars fit! If I worked a little harder at it, I'm sure I could get rid of more. Between icy cold and snow in the winter, and hail storms in the summer, garage parking is a must in the Colorado suburbs!

Keeping My Name!

Caitlin has been telling us that when she gets married she's not going to change her last name. And she doesn't want to be called "Mrs.". I don't really care if she changes her last name or not - but why is she so concerned with this at the ripe old age of 5 and a half?

A Little of This... A Little of That....

What did we do in September? You know, on top of our regularly scheduled life? Here's a look:

In September, Brandon played soccer. Games were on Friday nights instead of Saturday mornings (yay!). This all ended a few weeks ago in mid-October, right before it got really cold (another yay!).

We rented a condo up in Winter Park over Labor Day weekend, and had a fun time with our little family. Our condo was near a train track (which I did not hear at all at night! Great windows!). It was a coal and freight train from the nearby mountain mines. We explored the train tracks, and found many squished coins on the rails. We rode on the Alpine Slide at the Winter Park ski resort- multiple times!


Brandon also joined a Sunday afternoon baseball league. There we no weekly practices, just a small practice and a game on Sunday afternoon. He's really been into baseball this last year, and has expressed some interest in doing little league in the spring. We thought it might be good for him to actually play a few real games before joining. Little league and Brandon's beloved spring soccer run concurrently, so who knows if he'll be doing little league at all this coming spring. We'll just have to see.

Brandon turned 8 in September. On his actual birthday we went to a Rockies vs Giant's game. It was fan appreciation night, so we were treated to a spectacular fireworks display after the game. The next day we had his birthday party. The day after that Brandon went to another baseball game for his friend's birthday. That was an exhausting weekend!

(And, yes, this picture is fairly representative of the entire birthday party!)

Caitlin attended a taekwondo class with her friend Sam (pictured in front of Caitlin). She loved it! I just wish it wasn't so far away! It would be challenging to get to it twice a week with any regularity. It was also on the same night as Brandon's soccer practice, so it wouldn't have worked out in September. Right now Caitlin is happy with her gymnastics class. We'll reevaluate where we are during Christmas break, and see what we can fit in next spring.

Halloween 2011

Yes, I know that Halloween was a few days ago. You're getting these pictures today because I had to take them after Halloween. In another great moment in parenting, I did not take a single picture of my children in costume, ready to go trick-or-treating on Halloween Day. Nothing. Not one. I didn't even realized that I hadn't taken any pictures until after the kids were snug in their beds, sleeping off their sugar high and trick-or-treating buzz. Luckily, they humored me the next day and agreed to dress up in costume, after school only (their request), and let me take a few pictures.

Caitlin was a rubber ducky, and Brandon was Darth Vader. He wants you to all know that he did *not* smile for these pictures because he did not have to.

Caitlin's costume took a little research to put together, but Brandon's was a quick buy at the local store! Yes! I had to do another costume for Caitlin's Nursery Rhyme festival at school, which took place on the 31st as well. Three costumes. I was glad that one was really easy!

Caitlin's rhyme to memorize for her Nursery Rhyme Festival was "Hickory Dickory Dock". Both my kids are good at memorizing, so that one was a breeze for Caitlin. She memorized it weeks before and would say it loudly and proudly at home, but barely whispered it in her class. For all her antics and drama moments, an audience can throw her sometimes. Here she is in her cute costume. It was so much easier to come up with an idea for this one (unlike Brandon's costume for his Nursery Rhyme Festival).

Caitlin and her class in their costumes


Brandon had a class party, too. He wanted me to stop by. I was one of only a few parents who came by (and most of them were volunteers running the party!). Maybe third grade is when the parents stop attending school functions. Here is hanging out at his desk.

Funny Peculiar

Am I the only one who finds it funny that this store put the Halloween candy on the same aisle as the weight management products?

Cash for Candy?

I got this e-mail last night from our local school:

Bring your extra and unwanted Halloween candy to school Nov. 1 - 4.

The candy will be sent to our troops serving overseas and our PTA will receive $1 for every pound of candy we collect! Last year we earned over $300!!! Let's see if we can top that total this year. The school with the biggest turnout gets a $1000 donation!

Dear school:

for one, if my kids give you their candy, they will want the money. They don't really care about the PTA or the school getting it.

Secondly, with all the e-mails we get per day/per week from the PTA, I should also get extra money to compensate for the headache caused from all the clutter in my in-box.

The conclusion of this story is ..... I don't think my kids will go for this one! Sorry PTA! I think it's going to be up to us parents to regulate the candy this time!