Clumsy

Guess what I did the other day? Broke my toe. My little toe. On my left foot. It's a lovely shade of black and blue, and taped to the next toe. I'm not even sure how it happened, either. It was Tuesday evening. I know it involved standing up too fast to see what fun thing Brandon had created out of the dirt in our flowerless flowerbed in the front yard, and coming in contact with some flagstone. Then there was an immense amount of pain, which is till there, and bruising began. I had to run (read: limp) to the store in the morning after dropping Brandon off at preschool to buy some flip-flops because I don't actually own any. I decided to get a cute pair, black with sequins and a slight heel, since I'll probably be wearing these for a few weeks. Good thing it's summer, huh? Unfortunately, the strap on the flip flops is irritating me on my right foot. Why? Because last month I slipped down the stairs and sprained my right foot. And it's still swollen! And I'm out of Arnica! It's nuts. I'm walking good these days!

I keep getting advice from nurses and doctors that I know on a social level to try and stay off my feet. It's good advice, but not really practical when attempting to do your best single-mother impersonation while your husband is overseas on business travel. The kids are no help. It's as if my sprained foot and broken little toe scream out in voices only small children can hear, "Hurt me! Step on me! Kick me! Please, please, please inflict pain!" I might heal if I could avoid getting stepped on all the time. I've given up, though.

We're finally not under a tornado watch. One touched down about 50 miles from here this afternoon. We, on the other hand, only suffered from a torrential downpour of rain and pea-sized hair hail for about an hour. Unfortunately it was a hour we decided to spend at a local park, so we were drenched and pummeled, but unhurt. The kids cried on the way to the car in the hail. I'm learning to limp fast! The girlies and I packed up our kids and headed over to our house for lunch. Nothing like 5 kids running around the house. They did play quite well together, and we were able to sit and talk a while. Guess it was a good thing after all!

Four Things

I've been tagged by my friend Martha. So here goes:

A) Four places that I go to over and over:
1. the grocery store
2. Brandon’s preschool
3. Chick-Fil-a
4. Brandon’s room

B) Four people who regularly e-mail me:
1. Brian
2. Mom
3. Dad
4. Anni

C) Four favorite places to eat:
1. Chick-Fil-A
2. Chili’s
3. Pho (any good place will do)
4. Old Santa Fe Grill

D) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. California
2. Sweden
3. Hawaii
4. Singapore

E) Four TV shows I watch all the time:
1. The Morning News
2. Lost
3. House Hunters International
4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

F) Four books I'd read again:
1. The Poisonwood Bible
2. Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself
3. Angela’s Ashes
4. The Bridesmaid

G) 4 Places You’ve Traveled to:
1. England
2. Sweden
3. Hawaii
4. Alaska

H) Your 4 favorite cereals:
(I don’t eat cereal for breakfast. Just as a snack sometimes)
1. Cheerios
2. Granola
3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
4. Life

I) Four favorite hobbies:
1. Scrap booking
2. Walking (when I can)
3. Shopping for bargains
4. Time with friends (includes catching up on friend's blogs)

J) (Amy's added question) Four favorite movies:
1. The Commitments
2. Ballroom Dancing
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark
4. Close Encounters of the Third Kind


K) (Sarah's added question) Four famous people (dead or alive) you would invite to dinner
1. Jesus (although I'd probably just sit and stare at him)
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Miep Gies
4. Laura Ingalls Wilder

L) (Martha’s added question) Four favorite foods
1. Nuts!
2. wheat thins
3. Persian cuisine
4. barbecued pork spare ribs

M) (My added question) Four popular shows that I don't have any desire to watch:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Law and Order
3. American Idol
4. CSI (seen once)
...plus any cop or lawyer dramas.

Pre-K Day at the Park

Preschool is almost over. Just two more days. Brandon almost had a breakdown today about that. Doesn't help that 2 of his 3 bestest buddies at school are moving (one instate, but an hour away, and one back to Pennsylvania). Luckily, I was able to distract him.

Today the two pre-k classes, and the preschool class headed down the street to the local park for much merriment. It's really amazing how slowly a bunch of 4 and 5 year old kids can walk! I wasn't thinking, and didn't bring the stroller for Caitlin, so I carried her the whole way there and the whole way back. I think my arms are going to hurt tomorrow. It was only two blocks, but it was two loooong blocks. Probably a quarter of a mile. Not so much fun to carry a 24 pound child that far without a break. My sprained foot started to hurt, but nothing I couldn't handle. I was able to fit into regular walking shoes today. Woo-hoo!

Click on the slideshow to see the album and view the pictures in larger formats.


After playing at the park, the kids had popsicles before heading home. Probably due to the fact there was no water fountain at the park. Some of the moms had real issues with that, but we weren't there for very long. Plus, I came prepared, so that thought didn't really enter my brain at all. Caitlin got her very first popsicle at the park, and she loved it. I was helping to pass out popsicles, so I didn't see her wolf it down. However, I did hear the crying when she was done. She was crying so hard that I thought she'd dropped her popsicle, so I hunted around to see if I could find it. The other mom who was keeping an eye on her said that she did, in fact, eat the whole thing. I guess she was hungrier than I thought! She went nuts for the slushies that the kids had back at the school. She was covered head to toe in pink goo. Her skin was even temporarily dyed underneath her clothes from the slushy! Good thing it all came off in the bath!

Brandon kept telling me all the way home how much fun he had. I'm glad.

Two Kids, One Room

Last month the kids wanted to sleep in the same room. Brandon thinks that sleeping in the same room is just the best thing ever. I'm not opposed to it, although the mornings are a lot easier with them in separate rooms, since Brandon has to wake up earlier than Caitlin on school days, and Caitlin naturally wakes up earlier than Brandon on other days. Nights can be easier, since they always have the same bedtime when I'm home alone. Teeth are brushed and stories read together. However, they tend to keep each other awake giggling. Not so much fun for me.

The last few days Brandon has been whining that he wanted Caitlin to sleep in his room. This is the same boy who always wants to go over to friends houses to play, and invites just about everyone to our house. Good thing we like having people over!

Here's a picture from Caitlin's room in April:



Doesn't Brandon look cute when he's asleep?

And here are the latest pics from this week - Brandon's room:

Oh.My.Gosh!

OH.MY.GOSH.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really shouldn't be so amazing to me that my boy took a shower today. After all, he hadn't bathed since Sunday. What was so amazing about this was ..... (ready....) BRANDON TOOK A SHOWER!!!! This is a first. He took his first shower a couple of months back, after swimming in the pool at the rec center. They have the wall-mounted foaming soap dispenser there, which, as we all know but don't admit, makes everything about taking a shower even better. And that was a first for us. I thought that might be the end of it, but he requested (yes, requested) to take a shower last time we were at the rec center. I'm still not sure why he wanted to take a shower, but being upstaged by his little (and more daring) sister might have had something to do with it.

Tonight Brandon came up to me and told me he wanted to put his pajamas on by himself tonight so he could go fast. Playing Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii with Daddy has become a fun pre-bedtime activity for the kids, and has increased the speed with which we get into our PJs. I reminded him that it was bath night, but if he wanted to take a shower he would be able to play the game sooner.

And he agreed!

Of course, the downside about having a kid who is still a bit apprehensive about showering is that I have to wash him down. There was much water on me and all over the bathroom to be cleaned up after this little escapade. At the rec center I am there in the shower with him ('cause who cares about getting wet when you're in your bathing suit, already wet and smelling like chlorine?). Today was an outside (the shower curtain) job. But still, he got in! I didn't drag him. After 4 1/2 years I've finally managed to convince him that showering is not scary. Now I no longer have to be jealous of my friend's kids who shower while mine was confined to the bath.

Caitlin, sharing the joy of Brandon's shower, inadvertently kept this picture at a PG rating. She joined him in the shower a few minutes later.

Issues With CSI

I have a love/hate relationship with the show "Forensic Files." (I use to stay up way late back in 1998, when I first got cable, to watch "Medical Detectives" (now known as "Forensic Files") and Vh1's "Behind the Music". TMI, I know). Anyway, I find the forensic investigation fascinating, but hate the fact that something bad has to happen to someone in order for an investigation to start. I've heard that the field of forensic science has been booming at universities across the U.S., with women comprising most of the student body. I wonder if most of these students know how long it takes to solve most crimes based on forensic evidence prior to enrolling in the classes? One can only hope.

I watched CSI the other day. Wow. That was bad. I think I've seen a snippet of it here and there, and thought the same thing. But, wow, it was really, really bad. I keep thinking that it was going to get better. It has to! After all, this episode had Rachael Harris and Katey Sagal. It had to be good, right? But no, it just kept getting worse and worse. How is this show popular? It wasn't a drama. It certainly wasn't funny. The dialogue left a lot to be desired. And the very quick working fingerprint database....? Loved how that worked. But hey, Marg Helgenberger has never looked better. She's improved a lot since "China Beach." I'm sure I'm going to be insulting several friends who just love the show. But, hey, everyone's different! I've been known to love shows that the rest of the world thought were just weird ("X-Files", anyone? "That 70's Show"? Love "The Office," "Scrubs", "Lost," and back episodes of "Good Eats"). I'm a cable girl at heart, and watch very little on network TV). Luckily, my husband and I share the same warped sense of humor, and enjoy similar shows on TV. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the show. But I've been wondering for days how CSI enjoys any popularity at all, and how on earth it has managed to spawn not one, but two spin-offs? It's been days since I watched the episode, and the mediocrity still haunts me. What I'm wondering now is..... Why is this even taxing my brain at all?

One Year in Colorado

One year in Colorado, and what have I learned...

PROS
*four seasons! Yeah! A real winter!
*affordable housing
*great schools for my kids
*clean air
*Pretty scenery - love having the mountains as a backdrop (even if I'm not nearly as impressed with them as those from the Midwest)
*great skies ... so much nicer than California
*summer rain
*big, fluffy clouds
*snow
*Super Target

CONS
*far, far away from friends and family
*people are different here, and any sense of community is hard to come by
*four seasons. Hot summers and cold winters do get old after a while
*the whole snow/thaw cycle in 24 hours
*driving. everywhere. (next place will be more central)
*grocery tax
*lack of Trader Joe's (although the opening of a Sunflower Farmers Markets in Boulder has made things a little easier)
*Safeway - I swear it's more expensive here than in California (and it wasn't cheap there, either!)
*no beach
*to.many.sunny.days
*lack of trees (yes, I know, it's the gateway to the Great Plains. But I still miss trees)
*lack of rain
*fewer people
*very.slow.drivers

I am trying to bloom where I'm planted. I'm trying not to dream of moving back to a state we can't afford (after all, I was one half of the couple that chose to move here!). I'm not pining for California, but still, it's hard. I wish I could say that, a year out, I love living here, but I don't. Really, I feel like I'm merely existing most of the time. Daily life can feel like trudging through mud sometimes. There is not rootedness in my feelings. I'm free falling, and I don't know where the ground is. I didn't anticipate these feelings. I've always considered myself adaptable. No longer.

I have learned things about myself, too. I like hearing an electric guitar at church. I highly value friendships, although I don't think I let people in on that. I've learned that I complain a lot. Most of all, I've learned that I must not be an easily likable person. I knew that before, but it smarts to think about it. When looking at the age of my children, I have learned that I am a very old mom in these parts. I didn't meet my husband when I was 20. I didn't get married at 22. And I didn't start having kids at 25. I went to college, had a career for many years, got married at the ripe old age of 29, and didn't have children for (**gasp!**) almost 5 years! So many of the young couples around here have kids about a year after their wedding date. In many ways I cannot relate to so many people I meet here, and they don't relate to me. Intellectually I know that it's not the age that matters, but it is often the easiest thing to focus on. Many of my friends back home were younger than me, many were older, and not all of us had careers prior to getting married. But again, people are different here. There are days that the loneliness is palpable. It is nice that most of the other mothers I meet here are not pining for their pre-child life, and that they are not all clamoring to return to work anytime soon. Working outside the home is fine and good, but I don't want to do it at this stage in my children's life, and I am rarely ready for my friends to do it either. I've noticed that my friendships suffer when that happens, as the time of the other mom is stretched so tight. Still, I don't know what they all do to make friends! Or if they exist outside of their children.

Connections and a sense of community have been the absolute biggest struggle for me, and I'm ready to throw in the towel. God has sent new friends in the past to fill the gaps left when other friends moved away. Now I am the one who moved, and there is no gap. There is just a huge, huge hole that has yet to be filled. I'm sure I'm not trusting God enough in this area. In fact, I know I'm not. There is no excuse, as a believer, but I will say that trust is hard. I have been able to make friends far too easily in the past. Why I can't do it now is strange, but it's the truth. I feel alone.

This is where I'm at. One year out. In Colorado.

After the Thud

I heard a loud thud from upstairs yesterday afternoon. I jogged up the stairs, only to hear nothing from my bedroom (where both kids wanted to nap). No whining, no crying. It was strange. But, since nap time wasn't technically over (for my own sanity, it doesn't officially end until 4:00 pm), and since I didn't hear anything from the room, I didn't go in to check. However, at 4:00, this is what I found:

Here's the long view:

He's never even fallen out of his own bed! And, I'm amazed that not only did Brandon not wake up, but he didn't wake up his light-sleeping sister sleeping only a few feet away.

This Time Last Year

What were we doing this time last year? At almost exactly this time, pacific time, an extremely huge moving truck was rolling into our street to pack up and haul away the contents of our house. Everything, that is, except the stuff we needed for the next week (while all our worldly possessions were in transit), and one lamp, which the movers thought we wanted to keep out. Where they got that idea I'll never know.

I don't remember a lot from that day. My dear friend and neighbor Chris had the kids for most of the day, and another friend Wendy joined in to help her out in the morning. It was hot, and I was exhausted from packing until 2:00 in the morning and getting up before 7:00. Around midnight we noticed we were running out of boxes, so I started driving around to local business and looking in their cardboard recycle bins. You'd be surprised what you can find out there! I think Brian was surprised when I returned home with so many boxes!

My job on May 7th, 2007 was to get some cash to tip the movers, and get lunch. I remember reaching into my wallet to grab my ATM card. As I grabbed it out and held it, all the contents of my wallet fell out and were strewn about on my lap and the floor of the car. It had given up. After 15 plus years of ownership, my wallet just broke. Every nook and cranny, except for the change purse, fell apart onto my lap. I can't say I blame the poor thing. And I knew exactly how it felt. There was a part of me that was barely holding on by a single thread, threatening at any moment to completely fall apart.

But I couldn't.

We had finally made a life decision on where to put down roots, after years of researching and travel, and this was really it. We were going. And I was holding on by a thread. The bay area was proving to be unaffordable, and we deeply needed changes in other areas of our life as well. Brian and I had discussed how we wanted to raise our children, and me working, at least during their younger years, was not part of that picture. However, if we were ever going to put down roots where we were, that picture needed to change. Our financial options were and are based solely on what we make, without outside help. And I am firm believer that it is unbiblical to put oneself into financial jeopardy on purpose, which is what would have happened to us had we decided to buy a house in the last few years. So change came in the form of moving.

How has it been? Not easy.

There are many thing I miss about my former life. Mostly friends and family. The easy drive to my in-laws house, or even to my parent's house. I am surprised that what I miss isn't a big list, but it affects me every day. I'm also surprised about the vast amount of stuff I don't miss at all. Truthfully, I thought I would miss a lot more. Several people assumed we moved so we could have a slower pace of life. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, our lives have increased in business since moving. I cherish my days at home with no plans (at least until the kids start whining). We have a nice house, yes, but we didn't move just so we could buy a house. I would have been happier with much less if we had been able to purchase a house in the bay area. But situations happened that were completely out of our hands. And, for one reason or another, God lead us here.

It's not easy to start over, and we have had our ups and downs. Although we really like the pastor and worship leader at our current church, we are struggling to make any real connections within the congregation. Classes, Bible Study and MOPS haven't really helped. I have made a few friends, and the kids have a few friends. One family is moving 50 miles south in the next few weeks, which will make me and the kids sad. Caitlin likes to call the kids, and their mom, on her toy phone! Another friend is moving back to Pennsylvania over the summer. No one can blame them for wanting to be closer to family. Another friend is going to continue to live here! At least we might be able to get together over the sumer. I have been asked to join the steering team at my Thursday MOPS group, which I'd be happy to do if Brandon gets into afternoon kindergarten. I don't want to commit until I know if I can even attend. Even if I can do it, it would only be for a year.

It's been a crazy year. I'm very happy that I will not be up cleaning half the night tonight so that my landlord can come by and inspect our house. I will not be calling up other friends (Lisa!) who are moving to let them know we have extra boxes. In fact, I gave away the last of our boxes and a bunch of packing material to some friends just last week. Tomorrow I will not get into my car and begin a three day, four state trek with small children. And, on top of it all, it's not 95 degrees like it was this time last year in California. In fact, it's been raining all morning today.

Who knows what life will be like in the next year. Hopefully it will not involve any packing and moving (unless someone else is doing it for me!).

CSI-The Aviary Unit

I opened up my window this morning to find.... a perfect imprint of a bird - feathers and all - on the clear glass middle of the window. It's a large window, currently needing 4 drapery panels to cover it. But I never expected to find a bird imprint on it! It was a little disconcerting. I imagined the birdie CSI unit coming in and doing a chalk outline of the victim right there on my window. I took a few pictures, but the outline is white on a clear window, and just looks like a smudge in my pictures.

I looked down onto the patio, but saw no bird. I did a full sweep of the patio about half an hour later when I was downstairs, but still no bird. Hopefully it didn't die! I guess I could get some window decals if this keeps happening. Brandon would probably cry if he saw a bird hit our window and die. I might, too.

Random Day

84 degrees today with just 5% humidity. Can you say dry? My contact lenses were out by 2:00 pm! The kids are craving water, and just took their sippy cups down to the basement. It's been weird the last few days - very warm and dry. Most counties are on fire warning due to the higher temps and the crazy winds (seriously - it's like living on the northern California coast without the benefit of being near the ocean. The winds here can be fierce. Honestly, I regularly worry about my kids and groceries blowing away. I've never worried about a full shopping cart with 2 kids inside blowing away while I'm unlocking my car. But I do here! Now, back to your scheduled blog....).

Today - 84! Tomorrow. Maybe 42. With snow or rain. A storm is blowing in (doesn't that sound like a country song?). It's kind of nice right now. I have almost every window open, and all the inside doors are propped open (otherwise they'd blow shut, and I'd wonder what the noise was). We only had 3 functional screens at our rental - so white trash - so I feel empowered to open windows now that we have complete screens on all our windows! It's 70 degrees, but you wouldn't know it by the winds. Feels more like 60. I need to go turn off and drain the sprinklers, since the lows will be below freezing tonight.

Not much else happened today. I attended the brunch at Women to Women. It was nice, and I didn't feel like running out the door like I did at the last one. And we had a more filling meal than the soup we had last time. I'll never be skinny - I've accepted that. There are many reasons, and one of those reasons is because I want filling meals. Creamed soups as a main course, tasty as they are, really never fit that bill. That's what we had at the last brunch. Today I was a little too full, and didn't eat a lot. Hmmm.... what was I eating? I have no idea if I'll be attending this same Bible study in the fall, mostly due to the fact that I don't know if Brandon will be in morning or afternoon kindergarten. Morning class runs from 8:00 am to 10:45, so I won't be doing anything next year if he's in that one! The schedule is just awful! The school is very overcrowded this year, resulting in odd kindergarten schedules. But still, they could have done better.

Hope your day was as non-stressful as mine! This is such a blessed day. Nap time was a mess, but so far the rest of the day has gone well.

Pool Time

Did I mention that Caitlin loves swimming? Earlier this month some friends invited us to go swimming at their local rec center, and Caitlin has not stopped talking about it. It's been about 3 weeks now, and she still mentions going "swimming the water and going down the slide(!)". The frequency has gone down, though, from 10 times a day to about 3. I only wish I was exaggerating. At least we knew that she had a good time!

Today we again headed over to the pool at the B-Town rec center. It's fairly new (less than 5 years old), and is a fun place. Brandon did 2 months of preschool there in the early learning center last summer. I'm not sure why I didn't think of going to the pool then. Oh yeah -now I remember - the thought of dealing with a crying, water-scared Brandon by myself, along with dealing with Caitlin at 18 months by myself, coupled with my own seemly perpetual exhaustion, didn't seem like a lot of fun. Now I know that Caitlin *loves* the water (she'd swim daily if she could), and Brandon is quickly growing out of his fear of water (and also his fear of just wearing swim trunks without a t-shirt). And, get this, he'll take a shower at the rec center after pool time is done. Now that's impressive. He hates showers!

Before heading out the pool
After pool time is done
The pool at the rec center is a feat of planning and engineering mastery at it's finest. It has an inner tube slide, a body slide, a butterfly toddler slide, a lazy river, a family hot tub, an adult hot tub, and a 3 lane lap pool, where lessons are also held. It also has varying depths from 0 feet 0 inches to 8 feet, and benches that run along the toddler area and family hot tub area. We start out at the kids area, where Brandon loves to go down the butterfly side, and tip over buckets of water onto his head from a huge fountain-esce structure designed for kids. Caitlin loves to walk in that area until she can't keep her head about water. Eventually this all leads to going around the underwater jet-propelled lazy river, in which you can't help but move. Caitlin at that point starts to tell me how much she wants to go down the body slide, which is a large, 2-story yellow chute slide. She has to ride on my lap, which requires many many trips upstairs. It's fun, though, and I'm glad she likes it. Brandon also likes the slide, but not to the same degree. He did go down 3 times with me today! I'm so proud of him. I've enrolled him in swimming lessons in June, so I hope he can handle it. It's at a different rec center, closer to home, which is not nearly as cool, so I hope he can handle that also!

View of the pool area

View of the 2 slides. The yellow one is the fav.



More views of the 2-story body slide.

Of course, no visit to the rec center is complete without a stop at the play area. This was the first play area the kids really liked, and one we went to frequently due to the hot Colorado summer!

I'm Twwwoooooo!

Caitlin's currently wandering around the house singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", except her version goes "Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Star". I need to tape this and set it up with Brandon's version of the same song. His version, if I remember correctly, involved a lot of jumping up and down in his crib, and may included the use of a pacifier (always helpful when singing).

I haven't done any updates on the kids in a while, so I thought I'd let you in our some snippets of life with Caitlin. She's two years, 3 months. Just a month shy of being the same age Brandon was when she was born! Her vocabulary and speaking abilities are high. When I suggest reading books, a typical response might be "How 'bout "Wheels on the Bus," Mommy?" Or she goes to her bookcase, studies it for a moment, and brings me her hand-selected book. Sometimes she asks for books she doesn't see, so I know that she's usually looking for something specific. Caitlin also negotiates the finer points of breakfast, such as whether or not she's getting toast, fruit bars (cereal bars), or waffles, and whether I've put enough juice in her cup. I've known older kids who don't talk nearly as well as Caitlin. Brandon was the same way, so I just assume all kids this age can adequately converse with me, or tell me how they feel, or tell me if things are a little bit funny.

She has entered what I call the anorexic phase. She is still eating, but it's not much. Her palate is wide, but she vacillates between eating a lot or merely subsisting on air. Maybe that's why she's still mainly wearing the 18-24 month outfits? This is still the girl who gets excited when I cook garbanzo beans, broccoli or cauliflower, wants to eat whatever I eat (and usually off of my plate), and cannot contain herself when I get a salad at a restaurant, since she knows she gets all the tomatoes to herself (as mommy is not a fan of raw tomatoes). During this same phase Brandon ate huge amounts of yogurt. Caitlin eats veggies. Why is getting protein down my kids the hardest thing for me to do?

Other things Caitlin does with frequency:

• climbs into and out of her crib (bed shopping is coming up soon!)
• climbs on anything and everything she can
• tells you that "I'm twoooooo!" whenever the discussion of age come up
• constantly wants to "go swimming in the wa-der and go down the slide!" (usually uses a deeper voice when talking about the slide)
• throws toys when she is mad at me
• talks all the time. It starts as a running commentary on what she sees from the moment she gets up, even if she's half asleep
• is only silent when she is sleeping
• constantly wants all my attention
• constantly wants to do things "all my by self!" That includes getting in and out of the car, the car seat, her booster seat at the table, getting dressed, and walking in public without holding my hand. She attempted to change her own diaper the other day. Luckily it wasn't messy, if you get my drift!
• is a real pain at restaurants due to her refusal to sit still or to eat
• wants to listen to or watch anything mentioning "The Wheels on the Bus". Would like it if I sang it to her every night before bed.
• loves her brother, and wants to share all ideas and thoughts with him

She has her crazy, whiny moments (days) when I would like to trade her up for the silent model. Brian keeps telling me I can't do that. She can be sweet and endearing, like when she tells me "Been a long time since tell Brandon I love him," and then tears up. She says this when he's in school, so it's sweet and silly all at the same time. That's my girl!

Breathing a Sigh of Relief!

Today was the last session of my women's Bible study. I have to say that I breathed a sigh of relief on the way home today, as if a huge weight was lifted off of me. Next week is the end-of-the-year brunch, and then it's totally done! No more crazy Wednesdays! No more crazy Tuesday nights trying to get everything ready to go in the morning! I have loved the mother's groups and the Bible studies I've gone to over the years back in California, so hating this one took my by surprise. But it's done, now. And I've learned my lesson - don't share too much, even when asked, with people you don't really know.

I didn't go last week due to my friend Anni being in town, but felt compelled (convicted, really) to attend today. One of the women in the group was bemoaning the end of the semester, and how she'd have a void in her week now. I didn't agree. All I felt was pure glee! (But I kept it to myself). Over all it went pretty well today. I managed to keep my mouth shut during most of the study, which wasn't really a study at all. We brought pictures of our family, and then talked about how this study affected us. I didn't really like "Lies Women Believe". When one of the leaders asked me how this study affected me, my first thought was "Oh, gosh, where should I start?" With the fact that the Biblical truths were often skewed in this book? That the author mocks the women she is trying to change? Or that the marriage and family advice was written by a single woman who is not now and has not ever been married and has no children? My favorite parts? Let me just spit out a few:

• The advice on how, if I should have to remove myself and/or my children from my husband if staying with him puts us in physical danger, that I "can-and must-maintain an attitude of reverence for [my] husband's position". I'm not sure I could maintain an attitude of reverence if the situation is so bad that I'm forced to leave.
• How family planning methods are akin to abortion.
• How the author compared her mother to Mary, mother of Jesus.
• How I should never take action if my husband is passive.
• How women entering the workforce/having a career has more or less lead to the decline of the modern family, and how a career woman's children now only eat frozen or fast food, and why many women are on welfare.

There is a lot of good in the book. It's just highly overshadowed by the author's strange interpretations of scripture, and how she presents her beliefs as facts. She's extremely convinced she's right, is fairly condescending, and isn't the best writer. One of my leaders told us several times that we weren't reading the book right. If everyone in this study is reading the same book and everyone is wondering why the author cited certain things, then it's time to fire the editor and get one that can decipher the author's intent and rewrite all the passages we interpreted incorrectly in a way that everyone can understand! As satisfying as it would be to tear up the book and shred it in my shredder, I think I'll just put it in the recycling bin next week. I usually donate books, but this one shouldn't be read by anyone else.

Then there was the whole anger management issue. That confused me, annoyed me, and threw my for a loop. I was so upset at the comments that I considered not returning. After much prayer I returned, only to have the same things said yet again, but in different words. It was so odd that people I don't really know, who don't really know me, feel the need to try and mend my situation. These people have very little idea what my last year has been like. Saying that I uprooted my family, moved 4 states away, and have lived in 3 houses in the last year sounds a lot easier than it really was. As far as I could tell, no one in my group was learning everything about their new place of residence from the ground up. I might have been the only person in our group who has ever moved to another state with children in tow. Everybody has bad days, but their comments were uncalled for. I do not have anger management issues that need therapy. And "anger" is not the reason I caught a lot of colds this winter (which amazing decreased once I stopped working in the nursery!). I can tell you this - I will never take another class taught by either one of these group leaders again. Ever. 

So today was our last, glorious day! All that's left is the brunch. Let's hope I survive it, since I wanted to run screaming from the last one! Despite my best efforts, I sometimes I think I'm not as much of a people person as I'd really like to be.

On Hating Trains

Today I waited at the train crossing for 15 minutes while a very slowly moving (read: excruciatingly slow) train crossed the tracks forwards, and then backwards. It had been such a good morning, too. Everything ran smoothy, just as it should. We were on time, and the train was completely off schedule! There is no train on the way to school at 8:00. I've run the route 3 times a week for the last 7 months, and there is no train!!! I've been trying to teach the kids not to call people "stupid". It may be true, but it's not a nice word. Today, however, I didn't make a move to stop either one them when they called the train "stupid". It was all I could do to not yell at the train for making us late! I hate it when I am late somewhere due to circumstances beyond my control. I have no problem being completely late all on my own - I don't need help! Yelling at the train isn't really setting a good example for my kids.

But it would make me feel better.

The Week (Or So) In Review

It has been a crazy week, hence, no posts. I'll update you on my thrilling week, and then you'll be all caught up! Yeah!

Let's start out on Friday, the 11th. I was heading downstairs to give Caitlin a whoopin' (most likely a time-out, but the whiny phase she's been in is driving me absolutely bonkers). I slipped and fell down the stairs, spraining my foot. I wasn't exactly sure what I did at the time, but it hurt!! I was crying so much and so loudly that Caitlin was scared to come to me. She sat about 3 feet away from me bawling her eyes out. And she's the lucky one! She didn't get her whoopin'! I've heard that if you can bear weight on your foot, then it isn't broken. I was happy that I could hobble about, albeit slowly, and was able to get Brandon from preschool.

Come Saturday, 24 hours after my accident, my foot was black and blue in spots, and was swollen up like a grapefruit, and hard to walk on. The swelling was odd because it took so long. I started to wonder just what I'd done to it. Brian took my to Urgent Care, and I had all the normal x-rays done. I've gone through this sort of stuff a lot with my ankles, so I'm use to it. They were impressed that I'd been doing ibuprofen, ice, and had my foot wrapped in an Ace bandage. Turns out that I only sprained my foot. No big deal. Three hours and one painkiller prescription later I was able to go home. You'd think that my three hours at Urgent Care, spent mostly alone, would have been a nice respite from taking care of the kids. But it wasn't. I was exhausted and cranky when I got home, and had to finish organizing the office closet (the task I was doing when I had to go downstairs in the first place!)!

On Monday my friend Anni flew in for a visit. We've known each other since our college days, even though we didn't actually go to college together. We were both involved in Comedy Sportz, in one way or another, and met there. She became friends with me initially just to spite my boyfriend. He's history, and she's still around! Funny how things work out for the better. And, of all my friends, she's the one who would be most sympathetic to my sprained foot, seeing as she's no speedwalker, either! We made a funny pair, the two of us. Me, hobbling around, and her, having shortness of breath due to the altitude here (my town is at 5,420 feet officially, but our house is a bit higher than that). We were a lot of fun up at Estes Park, which is a small town about 45 minutes from here, and is at 7,500 feet. We had sun, wind, and then snow. Welcome to Colorado, land of schizophrenic weather. Monday was nice. Tuesday was 82 degrees. Wednesday got up to the mid 40's, maybe, and then fell back down to the 20's when the snow started. I think we got 3 inches. It was all melted the next day when we headed back to the airport to drop Anni off. She's on sabbatical, and headed off to the east coast. Hope it's warmer there! The kids missed you for a couple of days, by the way. "Where's Miss Anni?" was one of Caitlin's most oft used phrases on Thursday and Friday.

By the way, did you know that the Stanley Hotel, the inspiration for the Overlook Hotel and the book The Shining, by Stephen King, is located a mere 45 miles from here? If you come, and you're a Stephen King fan, I can take you there. The movie wasn't filmed at the hotel, but the mini-series was. The hotel isn't big, but it's very pretty, and has gorgeous views of the mountains. I took a few pictures. Click here to see them.

Friday I spent most of the afternoon at a friend's house. We sat in the living room while our boys and one I was watching ran around upstairs. The girls were with us, but playing nicely. It was a good move for a sprained-footed gimp such as myself, and a pregnant lady.

Saturday we did a MOPS and Pops Amazing Race event with one of my MOPS groups. It was fun. I couldn't run, but we had a good group. And our kids were at the babysitters! Woo hoo. Our team didn't do so well. But, for having never seen "The Amazing Race" on television, I got the hang of it pretty quick. And I had a good time. My foot was killing me later on in the evening, but the painkillers took care of that.

Other highlights of our week:

• we got a Wii. It's fun! Brian wants to play it everyday, which is to be expected from a boy.
• We got a new sofa for our living room, but it won't be in for another month.
• Brandon and Caitlin really wanted to sleep in the same room, so we did it for 2 days. There is too much giggling when that happens, and Caitlin gets out of her crib to play with Brandon. I'm glad those days are done! Leads to much weeping and gnashing of teeth for mom and dad.
• The sandbox is now complete. We are sweeping a lot! Sand and hardwood floors don't mix!
• The snow has melted, returning our backyard to its normal mud/swamp state.

Now, I'm returning to my "normal" life, which involves nap times, time-outs, more Advil, and laundry. It's much more fun when my normal life gets interrupted!

What's Next?

This is what I found when I came downstairs this afternoon:

I'm a little worried that he's into the Lands End models at such a young age, but I'm really hoping that he'll start organizing my cabinets and getting rid of all my clutter. Maybe he'll pick out the best lipgloss for me, too. "Real Simple" could come in real handy now!

How You Know You're the Parent of a 4-Year Old Boy

Here is the latest in Brandon's potty mouth rhymes. His retelling of "This Little Piggy":

This little piggy went to the poopy mart
This little piggy stayed dumb
This little piggy went to stinky Costco
And this little piggy said "poop"
And this little piggy went "wee, wee, wee.... fart!"

I just looooove hanging out with a little boy fascinated with poop and farting. The sad thing is that I've noticed is that fascination doesn't seem to go away with age in the male gender.........

Having Fun with Friends

Went up to see my friend Janet today. We use to live by Janet and Rob back in California. They moved to Colorado about 5 years ago, and I never once thought that we'd be living near them again. They're about 45 minutes from our place, which is not that long of a drive (provided there is no school, and no one is screaming in the backseat). Brandon loves playing with Abbey, and occasionally Caitlin gets to join in on the action.

We set out today in blowing snow and fog. I think Coloradoans are scared of the fog, since it's always news when there is fog. And there are always accidents. But being a northern California coastal girl, I don't mind it. The blowing snow on the other hand - not so much fun. It wasn't too bad today. It's been warm - around 50 or so - for the last couple of days, so no snow stuck on the road. Except for one high bridge. The trucks were light, and I only got trapped behind a line of 6 18-wheelers on the way there. The kids were bored, even with listening to music. But if I have to hear "The Wheels on the Bus" one more time, I might just have to crash the car on purpose. Or shoot the CD player. Or break the CD.....


Brandon and Caitlin had a great time when we were there. Brandon didn't even run away from Lucy, Abbey's little shelty dog (who was pretty crazed from having to be in the house during the snowstorm). I even got to see little Sarah, who is only 3 weeks old. She's so little! 6 pound babies just don't run in our family. Caitlin was, of course, extremely jealous, saying "Mommy hold you!" (meaning Mommy hold ME!) whenever I held Sarah.



The kids kept running upstairs to Abbey's room, or down to the basement, which was just not a problem for us mommies. We were happy that they were happy, and also happy that we could talk in the living room without having to shout too much or correct some sort of child problem. Before I left I wanted to take a couple of pictures of the kids. Do you know how hard it is to get 3 rowdy kids to sit still on a bed? Yes, you do. Of course you do. Why did I ask? I managed to get them to sit still. Caitlin must be sitting closer to the edge of the bed since she looks bigger than the other kids. She felt like such a big girl! And then she got hot chocolate. Wow. It's been a big day for Caitlin.

The Cat-head

I have received many e-mails inquiring about the nature of The Cat-head. After much prodding, I finally found out what the cat-head is.

Presenting ..... The Cat-head:

Disappointing, isn't it? You were expecting something better, weren't you? Hey, I was.

Why this is the cat-head, I'll never know. Because, it is most obviously, a bear. B-Bear, to be exact (we're not all that original in the P-4 household with our stuffed animal names). Anyway, Brandon told me that you put your finger in the loop on the top of the head, and then start twirling B-Bear around your finger. Thus, it becomes "The Cat-head." I'm not sure I'll ever understand the mind of a four year old.

Voices from the Basement

Brandon's voice, heard from the basement:

"Hey Caitlin. Come here, and let me show you how to swing the cat-head!"

We don't even own a cat.

????????????????

We Have a Sleeping Area

One of our requirements when we bought our house was that we have an area for guests. We love having guests, and want them to feel welcome when they stay here. Our guest area is in our finished basement, which also has it's own 3/4 bathroom. Our basement is a partial basement, though, which means it's about 200 square feet, or as big as a medium sized living room. Small for a basement around here (the first house we put an offer on has a 1,000 square foot basement!), but a nice bonus none-the-less. Since we only had enough furniture for our previous, 1300 square foot house, nothing has been down there except kiddo toys. And, really, the kids love having their toys there, and so do we (our house looks so much cleaner)!

Lately, though, I've been anxious about getting some furniture for the living room and some sort of sleeping piece for the basement. We've been here almost 6 months and I've been fine without them, and now I'm anxious? Go figure.... But thanks to my friend Phyllis, who recently moved to Colorado, I was introduced to the wonders of the daybed. I've known about them for years, and knew that they came with trundles. What I didn't know was that some trundles can expand upwards, putting the two mattresses at the same level. Viola! A king sized (or close to it) bed. When not in use, the trundle can fold back under the bed, making the day bed more like a sofa. Not only do we get a sofa in the basement, but our guests get a mattress. Of course, we still have our aerobed and other camping airbed, so we can accommodate several people at one time.

Currently, this is what our basement looks like (usually without Brandon having a picnic on the bed):

But now when you come, you get this (minus all of us on the bed, and with sheets and blankets, of course). You also get the basement to yourself, which is nice when you want a little privacy, and you get your own bathroom.
Or, we can break the twin beds apart, if you prefer sleeping alone. I have lots of blankets:
However, if you look the other way, you still see this (minus the one-legged Caitlin):
I still haven't managed to get the fully presentable house. I sometimes wonder if that's possible with little kids. Or with kids of any age. (???) But my house is comfy, and you're always welcome. The basement is cool in the summer, too, so it will be the "in" place to stay!

Brandon and Emily

I just got some pictures from Scott. Looks like Brandon and Emily had a lot of fun playing together on Saturday! It also looks like Brandon's caught up to Emily in height. Wish I could have been there....

Ode to a Blankey

Caitlin's blankey had to go back to California with Brian and Brandon this weekend. She keeps biting it, and it fractured and started to fray badly last week while in Santa Fe. Who can blame the poor thing? I don't know why the girl feels the need to bite and chew on fabric, but her blankey, coat hood, stuffed Elmo and favorite stuffed koala bear have all endured the war. Even my shirts have suffered a few cuts and bruises along the way. Caitlin has been made well aware of the fact that I feel pain, and has finally stopped biting my shoulders.

I wish could say that she doesn't miss her blankey, but I'd be lying. Her favorite question for the last two days is "Where's my old blankey?" I've stopped answering it, instead asking her, "I don't know? Where is your blankey?" The answers I get range from "California" and "Aunt Jackie or Nana fix it" (since I possess absolutely no natural or learned talent for knitting, or the ability to fix frayed knit blankets) to "no more biting blankey" and "makes me sad blankey gone on plane" (Caitlin's been expressing her feelings for a while with sentences starting with "makes me sad" or "makes me happy"). Luckily, Donna gave me a few of Brian's babyhood blankets, two of which are knit (or crocheted). I've told Caitlin that Daddy left his blankey and took hers on the plane back to California so it could be fixed. She cried profusely yesterday and did not nap because her blankey was gone, but today has accepted that fact and moved on to the fact that Daddy left her a nice blanket as a substitute.

Although I have endured many blankey questions over the last two days, and expect more tomorrow, I hope she has learned her lesson. Biting blankey is not acceptable! What odd lessons we have to learn!

Santa Fe Pics

I put up our pictures of Santa Fe. I took less than I thought. Here's the small slideshow. If you click on it you'll be taken to the bigger slideshow:

He Thinks I'm Cute. How About That?

I got a message from some guy on MySpace today. I get weird messages there, but usually from other mothers who are "motivated moms" (it's some sort of group). I find that odd. Maybe they're just looking to increase their "friends" list. This guy, who has sent me messages before, told me this time that he likes my picture and thinks I'm cute. Honestly, I laughed out loud. He has no idea the last time anyone whistled at me in public was when I was a nursing mother sporting a Dolly Parton-esque chest. Or that the highlight of my day today was buying shoes for my kids at the StrideRite outlet store down in Golden. Or that my two year old daughter is currently refusing to nap and crying profusely because her blankey had to go to California for knitting repairs (her fault. I keep telling her not to bite her blankey). But he thinks I'm cute. How about that? Thanks, Mr. Hotel Operator guy in Boulder. That made my day. But I don't think we're made for each other. I'm going to keep ignoring you. And, I'm happily taken.

Greetings From Santa Fe

Greetings from Santa Fe, New Mexico. We took off yesterday for our six hour road trip (not including breaks) to get away for a few days. It was a little strange driving on Easter Sunday instead of going to church. I felt a little pagan, since Easter is one of the Sundays that random people feel compelled to go to church, and here I was sitting in a car! One less car in the parking lot, I guess.

Santa Fe is not a big town. It only has about 72,000 residents. And it's not like there are neighboring towns to add to the population! It's pretty remote. And yet it has a Trader Joe's, and Mervyn's. Both of which we will be stopping at! Never thought I'd miss Mervyn's, but it's about the only place I can get pants for Brandon! Back to Santa Fe.....

It's higher than Boulder by about 2,000 feet. Although we knew that, neither Brian or I gave it any thought. It's pretty rare that we travel to places higher than the place we live. So neither one of us was expecting out toothpaste, lotion, etc., to spurt out on us when we opened them last night! Surprise! That always happens to me on planes, usually with salad dressing (back in the days of airplane meals), which is why I never wear white on long trips! Being at 7,000 feet hasn't affected any of us yet. I guess we're use to living over a mile above sea level now!

In 1912 the government of Santa Fe declared that all buildings should be built in the Spanish Pueblo Revival look. According to Wikipedia "Pueblo style architecture seeks to imitate the appearance of traditional adobe construction, though more modern materials such as brick or concrete are often substituted. If adobe is not used, rounded corners, irregular parapets, and thick, battered walls are used to simulate it. Walls are usually stuccoed and painted in earth tones. Multistory buildings usually employ stepped massing similar to that seen at Taos Pueblo. Roofs are always flat. A common feature is the use of projecting wooden roof beams (vigas), which often serve no structural purpose." In other words, everything is square, flat roofed, and painted in various Terracotta oranges. Houses, malls, churches, gyms... everything. I feel like I've walked into the southwestern edition of Sunset Magazine. It's cool, but a little bit strange. I remember that buildings in Paris weren't allowed to be over four-stories tall for a very long time. The effect, like in Santa Fe, was a little odd, but cool, and something you could easily get use to. The result here is that all the houses look like the surrounding dirt and twigs, you can't see them due to the flat roofs, and condo complexes all look a little strange...

Even the condo we're staying in is dirt colored, flat, and adobe.

I'm sure we'll have lots to do here over the next few days. If nothing else, we've managed to get away from our house and daily lives and do something different. I'll take some pictures, and post them when we get home. We are going to see downtown, a museum, a few other places, and stop in Taos on our way home. But not until later. Tonight we're staying in. And resting.

Entering Phase #712

Woke up this morning to 5 inches of snow. It started snowing yesterday afternoon around 4:30, and just kept snowing all night. I stumbled downstairs at 6:00 to watch the news, after waking up to Brian's radio, which he forgot to turn off yesterday morning before he left (talk about waking up confused! I had no idea where the sound was coming from!). I wanted to watch the local stations to see if the schools were closed or not. I didn't expect the schools to be closed, but you never know. The weather reports kept touting this storm as a heavy one. I guess they got a blizzard here 5 years ago, on St. Patrick's Day, and no one's managed to shake the memories of that day yet. Today was no blizzard. It wasn't that cold last night, so the snow didn't stick to the roads or sidewalks. This is the most snow we've had overnight with the least amount of trouble on the roadways. We had far less a couple of weeks ago, but the cold weather made the snow stick, and there was a lot more black ice on the roads. I didn't take me any longer to get to Brandon's preschool this morning than any other morning, which was nice.

It has been an interesting last few weeks here with Brandon. He's given up napping, which isn't such a great thing. It would be okay if he could handle the day, but he can't. By late afternoon he's grouchy and whiny, which is never fun. It's even less fun when Brian's out of town on business and I know there is no one else to be with at the end of the day. Caitlin still naps for about 3 hours each afternoon, but Brandon just "rests" for about an hour in his room. I haven't quite figured out what to do with him. He wants to be with me, and be entertained by me. He just doesn't get that I have stuff to do, and precious little time to do it. Does any 4 year old get that? I don't want him watching TV or videos during that time, so he gets to rest in his room. I've found that his not napping is wearing me down. I have so little time to do all the things that need to be done, and then his grouchy attitude gives me a grouchy attitude. I know, I know... my emotions shouldn't rule me. But that's a hard call when you're tired and haven't completed the basic tasks of the day. My house is a disaster, dinner isn't in the oven, and the bills are late. By evening my brain feels just as run down as my body does, and it feels like I can't cope anymore. At some point I'd like to sleep well at night, but I haven't been able to do that since we moved here. I'm so tired! I'm sure this will all morph into something else as Brandon gets older, but it never feels like a phase when you're right in the middle of it. Between Caitlin's lovely temper tantrums (her entering the "terrible twos" will be another post), and Brandon's afternoon whinefest, I'm falling apart. My mornings are fun, but afternoons are wicked! I'm so happy for bedtime I could sing! (and seriously, I can't sing).

Any suggestions?

Woo Hoo! Time Alone!

I really don' t have anything specific to write about. But Brandon is over at a friend's house for another hour, and Caitlin is napping. Brian's on a business trip for the week, so this just might be the only free time I get for a while (well, free time when I'm not exhausted, which is after the kids are in bed in the evenings). I'm so giddy with excitement that I had to share it with you all! That, and I managed a 15 point, 3 letter word on my Facebook game of Scrabble with Brian. I'm not great at Scrabble, so that was a wonderful word! How did I do it, you ask? See above. I can actually think when I'm alone.

Now I'm off to pick up the toys in the backyard. We are suppose to get 5 to 10 inches of snow overnight, so I'd like things to be put away before that. Our backyard gets very little sun and the highs this week are suppose to be around 30. It may be a while before we see those toys again if they stay out.

Family Photos

We had family photos taken about a month ago. Some people manage to do this all the time. Their walls are adorned with pictures of their cute families. Me? .... I'm pretty happy if I can get our clan out every few years! I was about a month pregnant in our last family photo, which now seems incomplete without Caitlin.

Due to our severe lack of matching clothing (Brian doesn't have any graphic bulldozer t-shirts from Old Navy, and my jeans aren't embroidered with flowers and other cutsie things), I dressed us all in white shirts with jeans and we headed out to Sears. My objective was for us to stay clean, and to get some nice pictures. I even brought extra white shirts for the kids in case they couldn't stay clean between leaving the house and arriving at the mall. In a ziploc baggie. Just in case I couldn't keep them clean! Although we had an appointment and arrived on time, we still had to wait almost 45 minutes before our session started. Keeping two kids entertained for that long in a place as boring as a photo studio, without food (white shirts, remember?) was hard. Even with two adults. I understand that studios operate on "baby time", but the only babies there were mine!

Luckily, we had a great photographer. She was trapped in the 70's, with long feathered hair and big glasses, but she was fun and made the kids laugh. Caitlin really liked her and kept showing off, which wasn't always fun for me. After half an hour the kids were just done with picture time. Caitlin kept trying to leave with the studio toys. It was past our lunch time anyway, and the kids knew they were going to Chick-Fil-A and then to the mall play area. We even got a few compliments in Chick-Fil-A about how cute the kids looked! Strangely enough, even after my obsession with keeping our white shirts white for the pictures, no one got anything on their shirts - which is no small feat considering we were surrounded by barbecue sauce and ketchup during lunch!

Click here to see our pictures. If you look closely, you can see Caitlin's very uneven bangs in the last picture! And no, I didn't cut her hair. I actually paid someone to do such a professional job.

Tired of Trying to be "Fixed"

I joined a women's Bible study at our church last September. I've always enjoyed Bible studies, and wanted to get more involved at our church. It has been tough finding community since we moved. I feel like a fish out of water here, and I hoped that joining studies and/or groups would help with the involvement factor. Plus, it's better than staying home alone all the time. My study is a book called "Lies Women Believe." I highly don't recommend it. I am having serious issues with the study and some members of the group. But, after much prayer, I feel like I should stick it out. Sadly, I am very much that kind of person. I'm not sure it's my finest quality.

Anyway, Wednesday, mostly in the morning, is my hardest day of the week. Getting two kids out of the house can be harder than it sounds! I get up early in order to get the kids up early in order to get out the door by 8:00 so Brandon can get to preschool between 8:15 and 8:30. We do this Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On Wednesdays there's the added challenge of getting to school by 8:15 on the dot, not, say 8:20, because they have chapel at 8:30. It's nice for Brandon to have a few minutes of free time to play with his buddies before lining up and leaving the classroom. I also make lunch for him and Caitlin, and bring a snack for me on Wednesdays. It takes me 30-45 minutes in heavy traffic to get to the church from the preschool, and not quite as long to do the reverse. Brandon stays for lunch until 12:30. Caitlin eats in the car, and I munch on a snack while driving. Safe, I know. All in all, Caitlin and I spend almost 2 hours in the car before 1:00 pm on Wednesdays, provided there are no adverse weather conditions. It snowed a few inches overnight, so driving was atrocious this morning, and took me way longer than usual to get to Boulder for my group. I did think about not going, but it felt like I was making excuses. After close to an hour in the car, on a muddy wet road, behind an aluminum siding truck and a pickup full of snow blowing out of the bed (which is sort of like driving in a blizzard, but only for me), and trying to quiet a screaming toddler who was done sitting in her car seat, I finally arrive at church. What a relief! I checked Caitlin into her class and headed down to the meeting room for some much needed worship and coffee.

After worship and such we headed off into our individual groups. The leader wanted to go around the group and see how things were going. I've been getting sick a lot in the last few months, so better health has been my off-and-on prayer request for a while. Last week one of the leaders, who wasn't there today, said I should write down all my anger issues to find out what was making me sick. I should start to manage it. How is it going?

Excuse me? Anger issues?

I thought I was fighting off the common cold. True, I have not been fully well since we moved here, but it's been a heck of a year! Two moves in two states, and three houses! All in less than 6 months. No friends, no family, and everything new. Having to learn all sorts of things, like grocery store layouts and state laws, all over again from the ground up. I haven't slept well for months! I'm so tired during the day that there are times I can barely keep my eyes open. My immune system is stable about 85-90% of normal, and my body doesn't handle extended stress very well. This alone may explain some of what I've been going through. Then there's the fact that I have a child in preschool. He's healthy as an ox, but  he brings home germs and I'm getting all the colds! We've been stuck inside for good chunks of the winter, which is strange for us, and that just seems to exacerbate the illness situation. It's not cold enough here to kill the germs during winter, but it's too cold to go outside. Everyone's stuck inside together. As a result, all the kids seem sicker here than they did in California, and then I get sick. But anger?

Yes - I do get mad sometimes, no doubt. Some days I have short fuse. Combine that with being home alone most days with little kids, and I can get upset. But I don't have anger issues. On top of it all, I have a crappy immune system. There are days and weeks that I hurt all over. I catch more colds than most people, and my recovery period takes longer, especially in the winter. That's my life. I've gotten use to it over the last 20 years.

Today, during our table discussion, leader #2, who wasn't even there last week (ironically, because she was sick, as well as both her kids), wanted us to go around the table again (after our initial round) to talk about keeping our emotions in check. That was the gist of the latest chapter in our study. She looked me right in the face and told me that my anger can make me sick. Really?  What a concept! Maybe it is what's making me sick now, because now I'm starting to get angry! It's been a rough week. Brandon has been experimenting with dropping his nap, and Caitlin is teething. It's been a whine-fest! I'm starting to crack down on the mouthiness of the boy, and all the name calling. He's mad at me because he keeps getting time-outs, and the occasional spanking. But I don't think that makes me congested, or have a coughing fit. I don't think that giving Brandon a time-out makes me want to throw up. The whining and crying do make me tense and irritable, but any mother in the same situation would say the same thing. Another mother in the group, who has kids about the same age and hangs out with me and my kids, said she thinks we're doing just fine. Her kids also wear on her patience, and yet the leaders don't tell her she's angry. They just feel bad for her because her baby doesn't sleep. When my child doesn't sleep, it's because of me and my anger. Or my depression. Or my bad diet (they have no idea what I eat! Why make comments?). Or I didn't pray hard enough. I'm so tired of this!

Do I have anger issues? No. Patience issues - sure. But not anger.  Not with my children. I have figured out what is making me angry now, though. Assumptions about me made by people who don't know me or my situation. And the fact that they feel the need to say something (usually something unhelpful) about it to help "fix" me. It makes me realize all the dumb things I've said because of stupid assumptions about other people's lives. I am sorry, and will try not to do that again! I cannot wait for this study to be over in a few weeks! Next time I will be careful to choose a study in which the leaders do not feel the need to quickly delve so personally into the lives of those they've never met before.

Signs of Spring

We've had snow on the ground since the day before Thanksgiving. There might have been a day or two in there somewhere when the snow in our backyard was completely melted, but I can't remember. I've enjoyed the weather, but I have missed the ability to go outside (read - take the kids outside) on a daily basis. It's either been too cold (no one wants to run around when it's 23 degrees and cloudy), windy, or snowing. But yesterday.... yesterday was nice. It hit 69 degrees!

We've been seeing signs of spring all week now. Some unknown bulb flowers are popping up in our front yard. It's been almost warm enough to wear a t-shirt (almost). The bunnies that run amok here in Colorado have been back. I'm sure we won't be on good terms when they start eating my flowers, but right now I still think they're cute. It will be nice to see things growing again. Green. Trees with leaves. Grass. Flowers. It is so brown and dreary here. Seriously, it only looks nice when it snows!

We walked down to the the park yesterday for a little fun in the sun. The breeze was small, and there were other kids there. Brandon and Caitlin got to swing, slide, and run around and play. Caitlin, of course, just wanted to swing. I'm not sure what it is about Caitlin and swings, but she'd be happy just swinging at the park for an hour. I was in my t-shirt and capris. Amazingly, I felt hot. It was as if I might break out in a sweat at any time. Imaging that! A sweat! In March. When I was just sitting there.

This picture makes the park looks deserted, but there were quite a few people there today!


Then, today came. 5 inches of snow. Here's the view from our dining room this morning:



It warmed up today to 30 degrees. The wind was bitter cold. I wore my heavy wool jacket. Bye bye spring. It was nice to know you might be here soon.....