Still the New Girl

My women's bible study group at our church, CBC, had its Christmas brunch today. It was a little strange. Our church is very multi-generational, which is not a bad thing. However, at the Wednesday morning bible study, I am on the young side. Again, this is not a bad thing, but it is a little weird. 'Cause when I say young, I mean young. I was the youngest in my Mother's Together small group at Menlo Pres, but only by 5 years! I got a lot of good advice at that group. At my women's group, I'm on the young side by 20 plus years. They asked us to dress up for the brunch. Knowing me, I would have done that anyway. I like to dress up. I live in Colorado, where people wear jeans most of the time, so it's a nice change. However, asking us to dress up really does show the age of the group. At least half of the women attending are over 60 and all seem to be good friends with each other. We don't have much in common. Luckily for me the other half of the group is generally under the age of 45. Still, I'm not finding a lot in common with that half, either.

Caitlin and I arrived at the brunch early. Since I have to drop Brandon off at preschool by 8:15, it's hard to be late to W2W. She was in her best black velvet pants and hand-me-down Christmas Tree sweater (which she was so proud of, and kept showing to anyone who would look!). I was in my red sweater and wool trousers. I even wore heels! I checked her into the nursery, and headed to the chapel to hear the speaker. I sat with Heather, a young mom in our group. After the speaker, we all headed to the fellowship hall for the brunch. Heather had to go feed her newborn babe (so cute), so I headed off by myself. I found the table reserved for our small group, and banded with a few group members to get some food. We all headed back to the table and sat down. Then Heather came in with the baby. I had just seen her two days earlier when I took a meal over to her house, and didn't want to crowd her at the brunch. I knew she was nervous about too many people holding her new baby (who was born the Saturday after Thanksgiving). No one else was worried about that, and they all got up and headed over to her table. So there I was. Alone at my table, eating a cracker.

It was so weird.

I sat there for a minute, finishing my cracker, and looked around. All I could see were women talking to other women. Women holding babies. Women with their friends and acquaintances. Women laughing and joking and telling stories. And me. Eating a cracker. By myself. I couldn't handle being alone at the table, so I decided I needed to go somewhere. But where? I don't have any real friends at our church. Just acquaintances. My small group is nice, but most of them were crowding Heather and the baby, and I just couldn't join in. So I headed out into the hall, toward the bathroom. It's a safe place to go when you're alone (unless you're in a bad part of town, I suppose). I could see Caitlin's toddler class as I approached the door, but she couldn't see me. She looked so cute eating her snack with all the other toddlers. I don't get to witness this very often, so I just stopped and observed her. Eating goldfish. Looking at the caregivers. Watching the other toddlers. It was adorable! After a few minutes I headed back to the table, and noticed the other members of my small group were finally there, eating their soup and crackers. I felt better about sitting back down and eating. At least I wasn't alone. But it did remind me of this...

I'm still the new girl.

We have gone to CBC since July. I go to MOPS twice a month. I go to a weekly Bible study. We go to the a class on Sunday mornings (engaged, couples, young families). But we are still very much alone at the the church. I've found some friends in a few moms at Brandon's preschool. The nice thing about that is our kids are all the same ages. But I've found nothing like that at church. Because we attended our old church for so long (almost 11 years!), I've forgotten how hard it is to make friends at church. Everyone is so busy serving. Two of my closest friends in California didn't even attend my church (although I met one of them there originally). But that's we're I'm looking to fill the gap. There, amongst believers. I'm still hoping we can make some couple friends at church. Couple friends are the hardest. Finding two people who mesh with two other people. Not easy. But for right now I'd just settle for a connection or two. I'm a little tired of being alone. It's been 7 months since we moved here and, try as I might, the walls have not been good for conversation. Brandon and Caitlin are not good for conversation. Brian's good, though, so I have that. And we have our friends Rob and Janet, but they're 45 minutes away. It's not far, though, unless it's snowing. I'm trying to patient, but I will be so happy when God grants me friends! And I'll be happy when I'm not the new girl.