Caitlin's Room

It's not finished, nor is everything on the wall, but here is the almost completed project. She chose the colors and design. It's very girly!

Caitlin's new desk (a hand-me-down from a friend). She's wanted a desk for a couple of months now, so this came at the right time!

Most of the houses in our town have very small kids rooms. As you can see, we're maxed out for space in her room! She's happy, though, and that's what counts.

Ten on Tuesday

I've been an absentee blogger for the last year or so. Posts swirl in my head, but getting them down is another story. Here are a few things that have been going on in our lives recently:


1) The kids and I have loved the summer movie express at Regal Theaters. We've seen 8 movies this summer, at a cost of $3 each time ($1 per person). Although I prefer living in more populated area, not living in one has been a benefit for these movies. We show up around 9:45, don't wait long, and get one. Once a movie was sold out, so we saw the other one that was playing. Once.

2) Today we're seeing "Brave." Caitlin asked me if we could see it. The summer movie express is over, so I'll have to pay a whopping $12 for the 3 of us to see the movie (cue fake sad music...).

3) Just over a week until school starts! I'm so ready for it. I'm not ready to get up early, though. I'm sure I'll be complaining in no time.

4) I'm *very* ready to be done with this hot summer! The end of summer can't come fast enough! We've been inundated with record heat and almost no rain since June. Colorado sun in searing on the body, so no one wants to be outside unless we're swimming. I practically have to bribe to kids to play outside in the evenings. I really miss living in a place where going outside in the summer isn't viewed as a form of torture.

5) My goal this week is to go through the kids school stuff that they brought home in May (ahem), and get all of all the current school supplies ready to drop off next Monday. I hope that they aren't too attached to the over abundance of laminated masterpieces they brought home.

6) I painted Caitlin's room! Finally! It's Pepto Bismol pink with a purple stripe. I'll post pictures later. One wall needs another coat of paint before I can put up a purple stripe, but that has to wait until it's nice enough to open windows in her room. At this rate that might be October. Even the low and zero VOC paint needs to air out for a few days.

7) Still gluten-free. I want to do another experiment with eating gluten, but after my not-so-stellar experience a couple of weeks ago, my body has not gone back to normal. I still don't know why my joints are hurting so much. Painting really took it out of me, I guess. Living like this is getting old. I'd like to reset the clock back about 5 years and get rid of all these body issues I've acquired.

8) My brother gets married in one month and one day! Tonight we are getting Brandon fitted for his tux, and then heading out to dinner (I'm already checking the gluten-free options on the menu).

9) Two of my friends move away this summer. One I knew about, and the other one just up and moved without a word. I only found out when I wondered why I hadn't seen or heard from her for a while and decided to check in. Made me a little sad to not be able to say goodbye.

10) I'm curious about our new schedule for the fall. The kids have opted not to do AWANA this year (Brandon says all the verses are too much with all his homework), so they're doing something called Base Camp at a church in Boulder on Wednesday evenings. Brandon's doing soccer, and I want to get Caitlin into swimming, but so far all the rec centers haven't put out any fall schedules. I want to get back to schedule and routine, but starting out can be bumpy!

Re-entry

It's been 3 months since I had gluten. In late April my rheumatologist suggested I go gluten free for 3 months for pain management and some gastrointestinal issues.  So go gluten free I did. Through thick and thin, barbecues, vacations, group dinners and weddings, I tried my darndest not to ingest gluten. I inadvertently had gluten a few times, but only because I either didn't know it was there, or because I couldn't avoid soy sauce. I mean, who knew that they battered french fries before frying them? I guess this is normal in North Carolina, but it was new to me! And I didn't find this out until after we got home from our trip! Oh well. Being gluten-free has been fairly easy at home. We switched our flours, got some quinoa or brown rice pastas, and I didn't eat random saltines or breads. It hasn't been perfect, but we've gotten use to it. Eating out was a different story entirely! I've eaten a lot of salads. No pastas, no noodles, no flour tortillas, no wraps, nothing with soy sauce, no regular pizza, nothing with breading. At any given restaurant, 85-90% of the menu items are off limits to me. We were in Breckenridge over July 4th, and it took me 10 minutes in the lodge cafeteria to find anything I could eat! I was ready to cry, and just eat and apple and a bag of chips, since everything else had bread! Lucky for me, after 10 minutes, I found a salad. Whoo hoo! Never been so excited to see some lettuce  and dressing!

My gluten free trial period ended last week. To test out the waters of glutenous living, I ate two slices of pizza  at small group on Sunday night, and half of a  cinnamon bread stick. That night I did not sleep well. In fact, I slept worse than my pre-rheumatologist seeing self! I logged in 3 hours before waking up unable to breathe! After taking some pseudoephedrine and sitting up/nodding off on couch for a hour, I was able to get back to a fitful night's sleep. Everything ached when I had to get up, and my body was unusually tight. The kids had sports camp up in north Boulder, plus swimming in the afternoon, so there was no rest that day. I was so exhausted and "foggy" that everyone had to repeat themselves for me to even understand them. My body was unhappy all day.

The next day was okay. Things seemed to get back to my new normal. I spent the next two mornings painting Caitlin's room, and generally running around. Thursday morning was spent not painting (yay!). Seriously, feel free to bop my upside the head the next time I suggest painting an upstairs room with poor circulation on a hot day in the middle of summer when I only have two hours to accomplish the whole thing! But I digress...  On Thursday morning I, once again, decided to test the waters. I had a big, doughy, oh-so-yummy pretzel at the mall. I ate a few saltines at lunch time. I even made a baked, breaded chicken dish for dinner. And oh my, did I pay for it! By evening, my body was screaming at me. I was having a hard time breathing (and in the same number of hours as before). Many internal issues that had been gone came rushing back. By bed time, every major joint in my body ached. I couldn't straighten out my elbows without major pain. I'm normally very flexible, but on Friday morning my back was so tight that I couldn't bend down and touch the floor. I'm not sure how much of that can be attributed to painting for two days, but the symptoms came on quickly, and were much better by Friday evening.

This last week was not exactly the romantic re-entry into glutenous living that I'd envisioned. I'm confused. I did this for pain management, not because my body was showing adverse reactions to gluten. Am I gluten intolerant? Gluten sensitive? Is this more related to the fact I'm in the midst of summer, when I tend to feel worse physically? What's going on? Everything I'd read about gluten-free living (usually written by someone with celiacs, which I don't have) said that they'd felt a huge difference within a couple of week. Not me. I've been gluten-free for 3 months, and honestly didn't feel much different. My hands were in less pain, and generally had more strength, but that was about it.  Two months in to my gluten-free diet, my rheumatologist put my on a prescription anti-inflammatory twice a day because my pain levels weren't getting better. That little pill made a huge difference in how my back felt, and was key in the near cessation of certain internal issues. I felt almost normal. I felt almost like I use to before we moved here.

Because there are so many things besides gluten that could have factored into my bad days, I'm going to try this again. Seriously, how do scientists ever get good results from control groups? There are so many other factors that could affect the outcome! My body is on it's way back to my new normal. The pain isn't as bad, and nothing's really screaming at me after a few days of returning to my gluten-free life. Tomorrow I stop taking regular anti-inflammitory meds. I won't paint or do anything out of the ordinary. If nothing changes, I'll have a bagel for breakfast next Saturday (I'm going big - why waste a gluten moment on something small?). I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not at all hopeful about the outcome. Good thing I like rice crackers!

Records

Denver just broke it's all time high temperature record. Yay, Denver. Now that we've accomplished this, can we all just go back to some normal temperatures?  Under 105? You know, the ones where your kids don't come in from 5 minutes outside with a sunburn? Or complain that it's too hot to play? A few nights that actually cool down would be nice, too. It's a desert here (in more ways than one). Really, if I wanted this kind of heat, I could just move to Phoenix. 'Nuff said.

Common

When we named our children, we chose names we liked. They weren't names we heard a lot, either. I guess we didn't hang out around parks, playgrounds, or school settings often enough (or at all) before having children. How did I find out that we named our kids common names? In a mass-market magazine, of course!

Looks like Caitlin may be in for a lifetime of people misspelling her name. People already get it wrong. Even when they have the correct spelling right in front of them, or have known her for a while (ie, the admin at the dentists office, different teachers). Who knew that the traditional Irish spelling we chose was so out of vogue? But then again, few people get my name right, either.

Update on the Glasses

Yes, I did find Caitlin's glasses! Finally! She was complaining that it was hard to read. So where did I find them, my 4 loyal followers may ask? In the shoe box. Covered by 10 pairs of shoes. Again, it's just amazing those glasses are still around! I took my mother-in-laws advice and got a copy of her prescription, intending to get a back-up pair at some point. Our Costco doesn't do glasses. Of course not. I'll see if the one that's 10 miles away does them. Otherwise I'll look up the closest Pearl Vision and see if their cheap glasses ad does children's glasses as well. Looks like a trip to Denver is in my future.

The Case of the Missing Lens

Last week, when we were in North Carolina, Caitlin asked for her glasses. She hadn't worn them since we got to the Outer Banks, but said the words in the book she was reading were a little blurry. I dug them out of my carry on bag, and the left side lens was missing! It wasn't in her case, and, after dumping the contents of my bag on the bed, not in my carry on, either. The little screw that held the 2 halves of the left "eye" on the glasses had fallen out. Considering how much these glasses cost us, I felt a little ill. I really, really wish that we'd chosen something else. These glasses have bent in all ways, and we've even had to go in to get them readjusted. All this since early December! After searching my carry on, the whole bed, and the floor for something clear (!), I came to the conclusion that the lens wasn't there. I would look every now and then, hoping I hadn't just missed it. What kept going around in circles in my mind was that if the lens was in our OBX vacation house, it would be a lost cause when we left. It *had* to be at home. Caitlin hadn't worn her glasses since the last day of school, and that had been a week before!

We got back home late on Sunday night. There was no searching then, only bed. The next day was spent with me in a semi-sick, slightly exhausted, unpacking state, with a little searching here and there. Still nothing. Embarrassed by the sight of the coffee table in the front room (in reality, embarrassed by the fact that everyone had piled just about everything on it and I couldn't actually see it), I went into full-blown house cleaning mode on Tuesday. I put away the suitcases, went through the mail, and cleaned off the coffee table. I searched under the couch, under the tables, in Caitlin's room - still nothing. At this point I was mentally trying to calculate the cost of getting one lens, but my mind was still in a post-vacation hangover, and no amount of math was going to be processed. Two days later, finding the lens had proved to be futile.

Tuesday night Caitlin's friend M came over for a sleep-over. Her mom, who works the night shift as a labor and delivery nurse, picked her up up early Wednesday morning on the way home from work. Since Caitlin's friend lives just up the next street, she and Caitlin decided to walk to her home together. M's street is kind of busy, so I walked up to the top of our street, where our streets connect, to watch them while M's mom drove up the hill. Caitlin walked back down the street to me, and we walked down our street together. We walked past our neighbor's house, and lo and behold, what on the sidewalk before my eyes should appear? A small, clear, plastic lens (and 8 tiny reindeer! Wait - wrong season!). It was a little scratched up, but not nearly as bad as it could have been. I scooped it, took it inside, and found out that yes, indeed, it was our missing lens. How could it be there on the sidewalk, almost two weeks later? How was it not completely battered or smashed? How did I not step on it just minutes before when I walked up our street? How was this possible? Our neighbors have 2 active boys, and all the kids in the neighborhood frequently congregate in front of our house or their house. One would think the little lens would be crushed by now.

Lately, God has been impressing a few things on me. No words, no directions, but just a few things that he'd like me to do. I've been a little lazy, and have not been drawing close. But I've felt his presence, and I have tried to do what I feel he's asking of me. Even in doing so, I'm confused. Why is he impressing this on me? I wish I could get some better answers. He knows how much I hate not knowing what's going on, or where I'm going. I hate vagueness. Somehow when I found this lens - in a place I never would looked, and in good shape - I felt like it was just a reminder from God that he was still here! I know, I know  - it's just a lens. And I can choose to see it just as a lens that was lost, then (amazingly) found. But I'm not. I'm clinging to this little reminder that God's still here. And that he cares.

Oh, and the next day, Caitlin misplaced her glasses. Three days later, and I still can't find them. *Sigh*

Greetings!

Greetings from the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I'm going to go jump in the pool in a few minutes, but I thought I'd write about our trip. I'd like to post pictures of our trip, but that would have required me to pack my camera cables. They are, unfortunately, safe and sound back at home. Oh well. Mental note - put the cables on the packing list....

So... the atlantic ocean. Right now it's just as cold as the pacific ocean, and about as rough. I've heard it warms up in summer. There are more shells on the beach, but they're mostly bits and pieces of shells. I'm glad we told the kids that it wouldn't be like collecting shells on the gulf coast of Florida so they wouldn't be disappointed. Brandon still gets a thrill out of finding something pretty (or an egg case from a skate). Caitlin's still happy that she's near (or in) the water. The sand goes from soft to hard shell pieces. You have to watch where you walk.The coasts are long and uninterupted by cliffs or rocks.

It's a little odd to see the sun rise over the water. Being a west-coast girl, I've seen the sun set over the water. When I'm at the beach, facing the water, the wind is at my back. The breezes roll from the land to the water. Again, a reverse from what I'm use to. We got caught in the end of tropical depression Beryl the other day, and drove home during an amazing storm! Our area got over 6 inches of rain in 6 hours. There was much flooding, but most of it was gone the next morning. There's still a lot of standing water, but it's drying up fast in the hot, somewhat humid weather.

Okay - off to the pool. I'll post some pictures in a few days!

Invisible Illness

On the last day of school the kindergartners had a "beach party." On the upside, Caitlin wore her bathing suit to school under her clothes (which is how she thinks she should dress every day!). On the downside, the whole day was 60-65 degrees, with a cold wind blowing down from the mountains. While this would qualify as a beach day on the cold coast of northern California, it wasn't nearly as much fun for the kindergartners as a nice warm day would have been.

Initially, Caitlin had wanted me to stay the whole time. She wanted me to watch her running around, getting wet, and playing in the tanbark (there's no sand here). Since it was a cold beach day, she ran around doing crafts inside, and played a bit on the kindergarten playground. After an hour and a half, she said that I could go if I wanted to. And I did. I was pretty run-down from surviving the last week of school, and was getting a cold. If I stood a chance of beating this cold before leaving for the Outer Banks, I needed rest. School was out in an hour anyway. As I was leaving, one of the other mom's asked if I was going back to work. When I said that I don't work and that  I was going home to finish some things (that, and resting), she gave me the funniest look and said, "Oh. I just need to be here with boys. I'm so sentimental. I need to cherish these moments."

I'm not sure how I'm processing all of that.

It wasn't the fact that she's sentimental and I'm not (I am, sometimes to a fault). It wasn't the fact that she wants to cherish these moments and I don't. It's the look she gave me. The tilt of her face and lost look in her eyes that  said she didn't understand *at all* why I was leaving if I wasn't going back to work.

The funny thing about fibromyalgia is how exhausting it is. And how invisible it is. Anyone who has fibro or has been around others with it understands when I say I'm exhausted. They understand that my body aches. They understand that my brain gets foggy, I get clumsy, and I need to rest. Sometimes in the middle of the day. There are times I feel like I can barely move! I don't even know to explain it. I don't even know where to start. Really. I didn't understand this before it happened to me. I'm not sure how to begin to explain how I feel. Because, in the eyes of others, I "don't look sick." I don't feel sick, either. I feel like this is a "condition", not a "sickness." Arguing semantics, however, doesn't seem to be the way to go. I feel a bit better knowing that right now, this doctor is on my side. I've seen several in the last few years, explained what I'm going through, and I've felt like I needed to convince them that I wasn't feeling well. I guess I should have presented them with a persuasive 5 paragraph essay. Maybe then a diagnosis wouldn't have taken so long. The truth of the matter is, I've gotten very good over the last 5 years at pretending I'm fine and looking the part, even when I felt like I'd been beaten up in my sleep. I've tried to do everything that everyone else did, and exhausted myself in the process. I dubbed 2009 and the first half of 2010 "the years of trying too hard," as I was so mentally and physically exhausted. Some drastic changes were made, and things have gotten better. And at least now I have a name for what I've been going through.

I'm not even sure where this post is going right now. I'm just rambling. But I know that this is not "in my head." I can't expect people to understand how I feel. That the things they take for granted aren't easy for me. Often times I feel like a little old lady. Most of the time I can't make it through a day without napping or resting (now that I take something to help me sleep at night, I usually only have to rest in the middle of the day). There are days that turning knobs or faucets is excruciatingly painful. Some days my skin feels like it's on fire and I can't stand being touched. There are many nights I lay awake, fully in pain, staring at the ceiling fan. But then again, some days are better. I stopped carrying the kids years ago because I was afraid I'd drop them. Something like going on a little hike without doing it on my terms is exhausting. Not for one day, but for the rest of the week. I want to go with my friends, but it doesn't always work. I want them to know that I want to be included. My fibromyalgia isn't as bad as some others I've read about, but that doesn't make it wonderful, either.  Often times, I can "push through" the pain. I come out exhausted on the other side, but most of the time I knew that would be the outcome when I started. It took me several days to recover from a MOPS retreat in January, but I was glad I "pushed through."

The challenge of having something people can't see is to explain it without complaining about it. I'm hoping that I can do that at some point. Back to the last day of kindergarten - Caitlin really didn't care if I went home. She was having fun. My little water baby also knew that we were going on vacation a few days after school got out, and that there would be a beach and a pool! As for me - I have to take care of myself. I hate the wondering stares. The ones that think I should be with my children all the time, unless I'm at a job (which is the only valid excuse to some). In as much as I'd like people to understand what I'm going through, I need to accept the fact that they don't, and maybe never will. And I need to move on.

Introducing....

Introducing the newest fourth grader and first grader! Or, as Brandon has coined, a "thourth" grader and a "firstergartner." He thought that since he was no longer in third grade, but yet not quite in fourth grade, that the terms needed to be combined. The other one he coined for himself was "fird" grader, but that one just sounds like he can't pronounce his words correctly!

Some Improvement

I've been on a gluten-free diet for about 3 weeks now. Only 2 1/2 months to go! It's really not that bad at home, although I do miss having the occasional sandwich for lunch. I also miss it being easy to go out and eat. There is a lot of gluten out there - buns, breads, pasta, sauces, flour, breading, noodles - you name, it has gluten! We've experimented with a couple of different types of flours and mixes. Some are good, some are not so good. The Bob's Red Mill gf pancake mix might be Brian's favorite now! I even bought a package for our upcoming vacation! It might not be available where we're going.

People who know that I'm doing this ask if I've felt any improvement. And I have - but only in my hand strength. About a week ago I was cleaning up after dinner. Brian had made dinner, and had used our enamel-coated cast iron pan. It's nice and heavy and flat, won't warp, and heats evenly. We got this pan in December, after reading that we could use an enamel-coated pan on our ceramic topped stove. I rarely use it because lifting it can be excruciating. I've lost my grip on it before, even using both hands to lift it, and almost dropped it. I chipped the enamel on the pan, and a spot of enamel on the rim of the oven. Luckily I didn't break the glass stove top, or my toes! Anyway, when I was cleaning last week I carefully lifted the pan off the stove top to bring it over to the sink. And it wasn't excruciating! It was heavy, yes, but my hands didn't ache! Amazing! I still can't open a bag of chips without scissors, or cut up chicken and veggies for dinner without taking pain-killers, but this pan experience was big! I was even able to zip up my shoes without using a jar opener as a grip. I've washed the pan once or twice since then, and was able to lift it and even put it away without issues! Go me! My hand strength has steadily declined over the last few years, and I'm not back to where I was before we moved here, but improvement is improvement!

As for any other improvement, I haven't felt anything. People told me I'd lose weight. Hmm... no improvement there. I guess they didn't realize that things like potato chips and chocolate are gluten free! As are nuts and most cheeses! Oh well. Going gluten-free has made no difference in the rest of pain or any internal issues that I've been going through for years (I'll spare you the details). In fact, some things are worse. Being that it's only been a few weeks, I'm not diagnosing any areas yet. I'm not as fatigued in the middle of the day as I was a couple of months ago, but then again, I've been taking medication for 3 months to help me sleep. After 5 years of sleeping poorly most nights, I've logged several 6-hour stretches of solid sleep in the last month! That's a first! Who knows if going gluten-free helps with that or not. I'm taking the doctor's orders about being calm and not over exerting myself very seriously, and declined several offers of joining the PTA or starting a Moms-Next group (a MOPS group for parents of older children). We'll see how summer goes. Being with children all day, every day can be quite draining. Then again, if we're all well rested, maybe we won't be as crabby in the middle of the day!

Princess Shoes

Caitlin calls these her "Princess shoes."

Looks like the princess has fallen on hard times. 

Almost forgot - here's the princess (trying to make her mom laugh)!

Learning New Things

I keep reading that one of the ways to ward of dementia and alzheimers is by mentally training our brains. Learning something new. Called neuroplasticity, it's the brains ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. And it doesn't stop. The brain of a 70 year old is just as capable of learning new things and changing as the brain of a 30 year old. Besides wrapping up my Bible study, trying to organize a MOPS garage sale at my house this Friday (my final contribution to MOPS before my children are officially too old for me to attend. Go me! But seriously, my garage looks like we should be featured in an episode of "Hoarders"), and attending to my home and children, I'm also working on this...

Going gluten free.

It's not forever. Unless it works, I guess. I know I don't have celiac's (my ANA blood test came back negative). My rheumatologist wants me to try it out for 3 months (yes, 3!) to see if it helps the pain, fatigue, and stomach issues I'm going through. It's been an interesting week to say the least.

Fibromyalgia is a medial condition characterized by chronic body-wide pain, tenderness in the muscles, joints, tendons and other soft tissues. I've dealt with chronic back and neck pain for years - since the end of high school. That pain has been steadily improving over the years. Since we've moved here, however, I've dealt with chronic lower back pain, leg pain, knee and elbow pains (and other joints), sleeplessness, anxiety and fatigue, to name a few. The abnormal pain response that my body has gone through has not been fun (it's thought that the brains of those who suffer from fibromyalgia process pain differently than people without it). The other night I couldn't sleep because I was in so much pain! It's really no fun. No fun at all. Right now I'm on medication to help me sleep and help with the pain. I haven't felt much of a difference in the pain, although I am sleeping better. The meds make me dizzy from about noon on - like I've stood up too fast - which isn't fun, either. I sometimes wonder if I should be driving. I'd like to be able to get this under control, sleep through the night, get off the meds, and take a more natural approach, but I'm not there yet. After reading about how gluten could cause the pain and fatigue to worsen, and after talking to my doctor, this is where I stand.

I've become a fixture at Vitamin Cottage, which is a Colorado based health food and supplement store. Their prices are excellent for what they sell, and I can get a lot of things in bulk (like dried polenta, which is hard to find around here). No one bats an eye at you when you ask for things like GABA or xanthan gum, both of which I have in house now. It's amazing how many types of gluten-free flours there are, and the prices at Vitamin Cottage don't make me cry (weep a little, but not sob outright). I should check out Whole Foods one of these days and see what they have to offer. But Whole Foods prices can make a grown woman cry. It's closer, though, so I guess I'll be there soon.

My kids got all excited when I came home with rice cakes. Woo hoo! They're a little strange (the kids, not the rice cakes). The brown rice pasta's okay, but not as good as the whole grain pasta we usually eat. The GF brown rice bread is fine for toast, but is so dense that you could never use it for a sandwich (although it would probably make a fine sling-shot if you twirled the bad over your head and released it!). On the whole, it hasn't been so bad at home. Most of our meals seem to be fairly gluten-free anyway. The GF flours are good for thickening sauces, so no worries there. I need to figure out  the whole bread-crumb thing because I do like breaded and baked chicken. We cook it more in winter, so I've got a little while.  It's when we go out that's hard. You just don't know what's in anything, and it's amazing how much stuff is breaded or uses flour. I've eaten a lot of salads lately. Then I realized pad thai uses rice noodle.... a breakthrough night on the eating out front! I'm trying to concentrate on what I can eat, and not what I can't. Seems like half the residence of this area are gluten free, so I have plenty of resources should I have questions.

I guess through all of this I'll be making new neural connections as my brain figures it out. Luckily, though, around here I have a lot of shopping options, which will make my life easier. Next week I'm going to get some more almond meal for "breading" chicken. Going gluten-free and warding off dementia at the same time. Who knew?

Money Well Spent

We finally did it - we got a whole house fan. We've only been talking about if since we bought the house. A whole house fan is a fan that's installed in your ceiling, and when turned on pulls all the hot air out of our house into the attic. It has several benefits. Not only does it suck the hot air out of your house, but the force of the air into the attic pushes most of the hot air out of your attic as well. The fan also draws in cooler air from outside (when turned on during the cooler parts of the day). It works well on days that cool down. As a benefit, we're hoping it will lower our A/C bills in the summer when Colorado is amazingly hot. We had one in our rental when we first moved to Colorado. It worked well when we'd open all the lower story windows and turn in on in the evening or the morning. The trouble with that one, as with much of the house, was that it was old and cheaply done. The sound of the fan being turned on was akin to the sound of a jet landing in your hallway. It was so awesome that it was right in between the kid's rooms (sarcastic emphasis added)! Such fun when you have a one year and three year old. This one is also right between the kid's rooms, but it is a much quieter model. Even I might be able to sleep when it's on. Well, maybe when it's on low.....

Brian's hoping for a hot day so we can test it out! I'm not. We've got the rest of spring and summer and fall to test it out. I wish we'd had one in California. It would have made our fairly uninsulated rentals much more bearable!

Here's the nice hold they cut in our ceiling.

And, here's my attic (I know you've always wanted to see it!)

All the while, our driveway sort of looked like a spare parts yard.

Here is the final result. Looks pretty good, does it?

What it looks like when it's open.

Sometime in the last month.....

I agree with my friend Arlene when she posted "I don't think I am a blogger anymore. I'm not sure what the acceptable definition of a "blogger" is, but I'm sure it must include something about posting photos, links or text on the internet more than once a month." Yep. I'm there with you. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just don't have the time to say it. Maybe after Caitlin's in school full time.... but I'm not making any promises.


Here are some picture highlights of our last month. Let's hope I can figure out how to post pictures with this new format...



Brian and the kids flew out to California over spring break. They stayed with Nana and Grandpa, saw our good friends Scott and Chris (and Emily and Josh!), and have a fun time. Mommy got a few days to herself, which is a rare thing, and also had a fun time.

Caitlin had her Gymstar Olympics at gymnastics. Wow, was that place crowded! Luckily it was a cold day outside, or we would have all melted in the heat of the crowd. All the participants were "graded" (no grade was below 8.0), and they got medals and ribbons during the closing ceremonies. Caitlin was so nervous for a few days before hand (I see a perfectionist streak in her sometimes), but got up there and did her thing.  It's hard to get good pictures in a warehouse setting with white walls and high ceilings, but here are a few cute ones.             

I think we'll use this head shot for her modeling career (ha ha! But the picture's cute!)

Brandon started little league this spring, and is pretty good at it, too! That's surprising to us only because he's never really played. He did a no-practice league through the Y last fall to learn some basics, but it was pretty simplistic. This league gives him more room to hit and throw, and to play all the different positions. He loves it. I think baseball's his thing.

Somewhere in the middle we celebrated Easter. Our Lord has risen ... and we dyed easter eggs. Something's wrong there, but we like hard boiled eggs, so we did it anyway. I've got to learn how to talk about all the pagan holidays that were co-opted by "the church", or at least the leaders of the times (Christmas and Easter seem to be the biggest ones), and what each side means. I know what we celebrate, but I want to make it absolutely clear to my children as well.

We also managed to catch up on sleep over spring break, went swimming in a new indoor pool (new for us, anyway), saw friends, went to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, got ice cream at Dairy Queen, and watched a couple of movies. I just didn't take pictures of everything! 

Early Morning Ranting.....

Reason #281 that I think those who manufacture children's clothing know nothing about children's bodies.... Relaxed Fit. Really? Relaxed? Because my child, who is so skinny that he can still wear clothes several sizes smaller than what most kids his age wear, needs extra room in the seat and thighs? I can barely find clothes that fit him as it is! Sizes in slim are out there, so, out to the stores I go. But relaxed slim sizes? I don't get it. I saw husky slims the other day, too. Is that for the only kinda sorta husky boy? I bet those parents don't get it either!

Capybara

Caitlin asked me what I thought she should draw. I said she should draw a capybara. She thought about that one for a minute, then said, "I think I know what you want me to draw!" She then proceeded to tell me that I really wanted her to draw a house, with some grass, a family inside, and a big sun outside. Um... yep, that's just what I requested when I said "capybara". Exactly.

The Eyes Have It

After a couple of "are you okay?" and "are you upset?" comments this morning, I've come to the conclusion that my puffy, watery eyes are cause for concern to my neighbors. I'm not tired, nor am I upset. I just have allergies. I guess I'll be sure to keep my sunglasses on this afternoon at school pickup, or everyone will think I'm too upset to talk to them!

Fog Free

It was a low-hanging, gray fog morning. Snow is predicted tonight into tomorrow (although yesterday was 70 degrees!). This morning, as I was driving Caitlin to Kindy-crafts, she asked what was wrong with the sidewalks and road. They were all wet, but yet it wasn't raining. I had to explain the concepts of mist and fog. It seemed odd to me that she really didn't know what fog was. Then it hit me.... she doesn't live near the ocean. She doesn't experience the ever-present fog that surrounded me during most of my childhood. Instead, she lives in Colorado. It's so dry here that we hardly get condensation on our ice-water glasses in summertime. There's never condensation on car windshields. I noticed that even thought I'd spend a considerable amount of time outside in today's mist, it wasn't even humid enough to frizz my hair. Not even a little. Funny how different our lives will be now that we're raising our children in the Colorado desert.

And the Diagnosis Is....

There are people who sleep all night and don't wake up. I'm not one of them. There are people who aren't wakened by every little thing - kids, heaters, wind, trains. I'm not one of them. There are people who can exercise, and hike or run, without pain and fatigue. They don't have to take a few days to recover. I'm not one of them. There are people who aren't in constant pain, who don't have a headache every day, and whose joints don't always hurt. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them, either.

Back in January, on the recommendation of my physical therapist (who I've been seeing because of my weak hips), and of a friend who is a nurse, I saw a rheumatologist. He asked me all sorts of questions about what I go through - about fatigue and aching, sleep, and weight. He asked about the numbness and tingling in my hands and pain in my joints. And when he pressed on certain muscles in my back, hips and legs, I almost jumped out of my skin. He asked more questions, and then sent me down to the lab. Six vials of blood later, I was able to leave.

And, the diagnosis is.... fibromyalgia.

My ANA tests all came back negative, so that rules out things like rheumatoid arthritis and a host of other autoimmune diseases. I have many symptoms of lupus, but that, thankfully, also came back negative. I'm in a lot of pain, and I'm fatigued. Other than high levels of inflammation, my test results came back completely normal. Even my blood sugar and iron levels were right in the middle of normal - and they're usually very low. According to my test results, nothing is wrong with me.

So here I am. Perfectly healthy and normal by all test results, and yet messed up in so many other areas. Days, weeks and years go by when I wake up feeling no better than when I went to bed. I wake up exhausted and with no energy. Most nights I don't sleep well, and there are many nights that I can't sleep. Sometimes I can't fall asleep, and sometimes I can't stay asleep. There's no rhyme or reason to it, either. Sometimes I'm so exhausted I can barely brush my teeth. I'll fall asleep for 45 minutes, and then I'm awake for hours! I am very familiar with my house in the dark. Even exercising wears me out. I exercise, and then spend a few days "recovering". It's taken me a while to figure out what was going on there. Everyone says that exercise should invigorate you. It should give you more energy. Hmmm... not in my case. The sad thing is that I should be exercise. I need to move more than I do. When I do what I should do, I compromise my ability to do all the other things I need to do- like care for my children without falling asleep on them. I should be able to walk or shovel snow without my joints swelling on me. I hurt all over. My back and hips hurt. My elbows hurt. Carrying my children can be excruciating. I really don't do it anymore. This is all just weird. A few weeks ago I went to a retreat up in Estes Park, and it took me two days to recover. The smallest of things wipes me out, and the smallest of things can make all my joints hurt.

All that being said, I'm now learning how to live with my "undiagnosed" fibromyalgia (what the doctor calls it). I've had all the symptoms for years now, but my coping mechanisms haven't been the best. The doctor put me on a medication to help control the chronic pain, constant headaches, and insomnia. I'm not sure it's doing any of those things, but I'll take it for a couple of months and see what happens. So far I've found that it keeps me awake at night if I take it at bedtime, so I take it at dinner time now. That seems to be a better solution. When I increased the dosage, I felt pretty loopy for a couple of days. I'd like to manage this without medication, but I'm not there yet. I need to get out of this brain fog that I've been living in.

It's odd that I didn't have these symptoms before we moved here. I've had chronic, reoccuring neck and shoulder pain since getting really sick when I was 18, which the rheumatologist thinks is connected. I've been tired since Brandon was born, but that might just be due to being a mother of young children! These days I can do nothing and need a nap! It feels like a part of my life just disappeared. These last few years have been really hard! Between this, the orthotics, and my hip issues, I feel like I've aged far more than 5 years since 2007, and I don't like it. Now that I know what I'm up against, maybe I can start to reverse it.