I am currently trying to figure out how to manage my life with children, yet again. Once I think I have a routine, things are all thrown out of whack. I know that this is completely normal, but it still manages to throw me off track whenever it happens. Brandon has not napped for 3 days in a row. According to my Mom life philosophy he must, at most all costs, stay in his room for at least an hour. Lately though, during his "nap" he's cranky the entire time, and cries out that he doesn't want to be left alone. I'm at my wits end as to why the sudden abandonment issues are coming up. Doesn't he get it? I have stuff to do while he naps! I am so tired of being a cranky mother, and this one just takes the cake. I'm really looking forward to the routine of preschool, and normal routines of others to start up again. It would be nice for Brandon, and even Caitlin, to spend time with other kids and not all their time with me.
After years of going through motherhood (and I have many to go), I have come to the conclusion that I am a very selfish person. I have* clearly* never gotten use to not being able to have time to myself since having children. I need time alone. I always have. I actually tell that to people if they are going to spend any time with me, because they need to know that it's not them, it's me. Time alone can be a lot of things. When I'm with others, this usually manifests itself in the form of naps, reading in the corner, or just simply leaving the house under a variety of circumstances. I don't really like this this about myself, but it's just me, and I feel like I'm being smothered when I can't be occasionally alone. My only truly sane times these days are the kids nap time, and bed time. Sorry - DURING nap time and AFTER bed time. Brandon is the boy of a thousand questions. At least he doesn't ask "why" all the time, but his unending question after question after question is taking a toll on my well being. The last few days have been full of questions, answers, crying, no naps, and general mayhem. He's cranky, I'm cranky, and there has been a lot of voice raisings, spankings, and time outs. I'm really not okay with all of this. I know I need to change my attitude, but I don't know how to go about dealing with his.
Caitlin's crying whenever we pull into a store parking lot is really wearing on me, too. I wish I could leave her in the car. I really do. It's always been an irritation, but it's driving me to the point of tears whenever we get near a grocery store. She cries most of the time in the store, and them calms down when we get in the car. The sense of dread I feel whenever I need to go to the store is overwhelming at times, and I feel like I might break. I hate it. I hate that I feel this way. It's a little unnerving to me that having kids can bring me to the verge of being mentally unstable sometimes. Kids are just part of life. Should they really be able to drive their mother's this mad? I met a grandmother the other day, probably in her late 50's or early 60's, out with her 4 year old grandson. She said that she had her kids in her early 20's, and nothing really bothered her during their early years. Now, however, she said that she gets unnerved by the same things that didn't bother her in her youth (like unending preschooler questions). Maybe I should have started earlier. However, I would have been married to the wrong man if I did that. No one wants that. So God must have me going through all this at the right time, regardless of whether or not I think it's the right time!
The minuses - I'm not sure how long I can survive this.
The pluses - tonight I'm heading to a friends house for girls night. Yeah! Tomorrow we leave for California for a few days to visit friends and family. I am highly looking forward to both.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I think I had more patience with Keith and Elizabeth then with you and Eric. So, age doesn't really matter. I think Brandon and Caitlin will change as time goes by and new friends are made and routines with school and friends become part of their lives again. It's just the change and that too will change as time goes by. As far as naps, that may just be a phase and he will settle down again. Caitlins crying at the store, well I don't know about that, I still get that from adult kids.
Love you
Enjoy your trip. Elizabeth has a birthday party Friday and we are going out for her 21st on Sat.
You are very far from alone in your feelings. Somedays I just want to scream at Padyn to stop talking and give me some peace for 2 minutes! I think it's about finding the balance to stay patient and sane. Mine thing that helps is exercise. And wine. After bed, of course.
It was great to see you this week! Hopefully we'll see you again in December.
Hi! I linked over from mix'd equally. It's so great to read posts like this every once in a while. I wrote a post over on my blog just like this a few weeks ago. Parenting is hard! I have to have the down time during naps too, or I think I would go mad.
The grocery store part is very interesting too - for me, it's restaurants. I'm getting stressed out right now just thinking about it! So, I always say this, but no really useful advice from me, just empathy. I hope that helps.
Post a Comment