Revelling in My Alone-Ness

Brian and the kids are gone this weekend. Brian had his fantasy baseball draft back in bay area this weekend, and took the kids with him. Fantasy baseball is going to be an expensive hobby if we keep doing it this way, but I'm having a great time. I could do this once a year, easily. I have needed this time alone more than I could verbalize. They left on Friday evening and come back Monday evening.

In that short amount of time I have managed to catch-up on a sleep deficiency, run a few errands by and for myself without feeling at all guilty, and reconnect with the part of me that is happy in silence. Most people probably don't realize that I am an introvert. I need alone time to regroup. I seem very extroverted and I talk a lot, but I am also just fine being alone at times. Those times, however, are few and far between for this mother of young children. The spaces I get are fragmented and rushed, and spent mostly in a car or running errands. But not now. Not in this space. My house is quiet (and clean!). I go to bed when I want, rise when I want, and eat an unhurried breakfast. My time is my own, and I can move from project to project in my own time without worrying about the needs of others. I have thought about issues that have been affecting me, sorted and categorized them in my mind, and come to a few conclusions. The last two years have been hard for me in so many ways, and I've needed this time to come to a place of acceptance. It's a selfish need, this need to have time alone, but I've realized that it's been 5 1/2 years since I've been alone in my own home for more than just a couple of hours. That's a long time to apart from something that helps me to reflect and grow. I love my family and my kids. I wouldn't want to be alone for a long time, but a few days a year is pure heaven! Time apart is cathartic for both sides. Not only do I need some time alone, away from my kids, but I think it's healthy for my kids to have time apart from me.

Next year will be different with Brandon in school all day and Caitlin in preschool two days a week. I'll have some hours alone. It will be quite an adjustment from this year, where I have no time alone during the week unless Caitlin has room time in the afternoons before Brandon comes home from school and Brian comes home from work. And even that maxes out at about 45 minutes! I crave this space and silence, and am greatly looking forward to it next year. For now, though, I am looking forward to my children and husband returning on a plane tomorrow evening. I'm sure it will be a happy reunion for all.