On Hips and Jeans

I saw myself in the mirror today, at the toy store, and though "Who let me out the door looking like this?" The next thought was "Did I think that I looked good in these jeans when I bought them?" I was out looking for inspiration for Brandon's birthday. He's requested two things at two different times- a giant excavator (for a sandbox or park), and/or a bike with training wheels. His birthday's next week, and we still don't have a gift. I know, I know - I am a terrible mom, and he is so deprived. All of you who've been to my house are aware of my huge lack of toys (ha ha), and my love of picking them up every evening.

Anyway, back to me. I was horrified at what I saw in the mirror at Toys 'R Us! Horrified, I tell you! I truly have some big-ass hips. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm so seriously not. I did live theatre for years, and have been told by many a seamstress and costume designer how enormously large my hips are. So great for the self esteem. During those same years my biggest compliment from the male actors was my hip to waist ratio. Sounds weird, but that really was a compliment! However, a few years and a couple of kids later - those hips have gotten out of hand! I've come to terms with the fact that I have a large set of hip bones, I may never be skinny or have a tiny rear, but I need to do something with this post baby body, and all the shifts that have taken place! The hips are big - I can accept that. The layer of fat over them needs to be taken care of.

I was so embarrassed about how I looked that I actually left the store and got into the car. I was quite sure that everyone in the store was staring at me in my stupid outfit, with my stupid dyed brown hair, wondering why I was out in public. My rational mind knows that that wasn't the case, but my emotional side took over at that point. I wasn't really sure what to do then, except that I had a keen sense I needed different jeans. It's been so hot all summer that this is the first time I've worn jeans since we moved in May! I guess I forgot how awful I looked! It was only 64 degrees today, and tomorrow is suppose to be colder, so pants will the wardrobe for a day or two (until the schizophrenic Colorado weather warms back up to 80 by Wednesday!).

Feeling cheap, I drove down the street to a pretty good thrift store I went to a few weeks back to look around, and low and behold, walked out with 2 pair of jeans. Cool jeans. Practically new, flawless jeans. Jeans that didn't make me look like a freak! Calvin Klein and Ann Taylor jeans. For $6 each! Who knew? I only recently found out that thrift stores have dressing rooms. I've never found anything I like a thrift store, so there was never a need to try things on. One pair is a little big on me, but I get so tired of everything I own containing spandex. It has it's place, but not everywhere. I left the house to look at toys, and came back with jeans. I need to stop thinking about me all the time, but I also want to stop beingmortified at my reflection. I miss the fit of good work pants. I miss wool and lining. But those kinds of pants don't really have a place in my life right now. People rarely dress nice here, and work pants on a stay-at-home mom going to the park don't mix well.

So here I am. Still feeling a little stupid, but with my brand-label, thrift store jeans in the washer. Still anxious about our possible house. Things are going well, but we won't know the radon numbers until tomorrow. Things can still get derailed. God tells us not to worry, but that is a lot harder to do than it sounds. Guess I need to practice giving up my worry to God - about kids, about hips, and about houses.