Slack

Today I cut myself a lot of slack.

I went through my closets.

I consider myself an organized pack rat. I have a lot of stuff, but it's all categorized and filed away. It's not better than being a regular pack rat, but it does mean that my house is neater and there are not piles of junk everywhere (which I hate). In spite of my organized pack rat ways, I seem to possess a gene that makes me go through my closets and house every so often and purge things I no longer use or find useful. Seriously, I sometimes wish I only owned large items, like furniture, and didn't have full closets. Then I'd have no possessions to stress about. Anyway.... going through clothes can be very emotional for me. I'm not quite sure why, since I'm not a fashionista (although, in certain circles around here I'm so fashionable it's silly!). But there is still that little voice that thinks I should hold on to something because I really like it (even though it's outdated or is really really snug doesn't fit me anymore), or because I paid a lot of money for it. This time it was work clothes.

Let's be real. I haven't worked outside the home for 5 years now. Due to pregnancy, I haven't worn some of these clothes for almost 6 years! My stay-at-home mom wardrobe is vastly different from my working world wardrobe. And, as much as I may long to dress in the nice, pressed, office-ish clothing that I see in the stores, it isn't practical, or even functional for my current life. There is no place for high heels at the park. I'm finding places for them in other areas, now that I'm not balancing a baby on one hip, and holding a toddler with the other hand. But I don't need every pair I see.

I don't want to work outside my home right now, and I am fortunate enough to not have to. That may go on forever. It may not. Right now, however, the most important place for me to be is smack dab in the middle of the lives of my kids, physically and mentally. There are days, mind you, when I think that I should absolutely go back to work part-time for my sanity (and maybe the sanity of my kids). And sometimes, I just really need a break from this whole mommy business. But really, I don't even want to think about that for at least another 3 years. (I hate the whole Mommy-Wars thing, so please note that I am not berating those of you who want to, or have to work. I'm just saying that it's not for me right now)

So - back to my closet. And those nice suits. I donated a lot of nice stuff to Career Closet back when we lived in California. I guess I should look for something in Boulder. I'd hate to just get rid of the suits and sweater twin sets that I no longer wear when I could donate them to a good cause. Some of these outfits don't look like they've been worn. I wore out all my heels, so hopefully someone else can donate those. Brian was very supportive of the fact that we'll need to invest a lot of money in a new career wardrobe for me should I decide to head back to work in the future. He was the one who even suggested giving my outfits away before they become outdated, so that someone else can get some use out of it. So into the bag go the suits, and the button down shirts, and the shoes. My body is different now. Parts of it may never go back to what they were in my pre-kid life. I can accept that. Shopping can be tough, since I am not 17, nor am I 50, but most stores don't seem to cater to my age. Shopping is like a treasure hunt, and many days I'm just not up for the challenge. I prize the things I find that fit and that make me look good. But I make mistakes at the store (mostly in the age 17 category), so into the bag go those as well. Plus anything too clingy. Having kids added problems in places I didn't use to consider problem areas. And, when the bags go out of the closet, all of sudden, I've got room to breathe! It was sad to see some of my stuff go, but it's just stuff.

And now I have hangars. And slack, from the break I gave myself with my stuff.